Pfoho Celebrates a Victory

Have you ever seen a House Master in a polar bear costume pretend to maul some fake Kirkland students? Well, in this post-House Life Survey world, you better be ready for anything.

Last night, this FlyBy correspondent (a resident of Pfoho) was sitting in the dining hall, resigned to the fact that a long, tragic night of panicking and studying lay ahead.

Suddenly, a toga-clad figure (Pfohoser Robert M. Cross ’11) appeared and delivered this oration to the crowd that had gathered below.

“Tonight, I’m here to convey a message of gratitude,” he said. “But more importantly, to convey tidings of a great victory!”

Ah, of course. Pfoho had just won the House Survey Life competition with a 90.7 completion percent, narrowly beating out Kirkland’s 90.2 percent. If exactly two more Kirkland students had completed the survey…well, this might have been a very different sort of night in Pfoho.

Those of you who are not Pfohosers will probably not find Cross’ speech very interesting, but you probably will enjoy watching this.  In “The Hapless Kirklandite,” the skit that followed Cross’ presentation, our House Master Nicholas A. Christakis rushed onto the stage in a polar bear suit and began pseudo-attacking two faux Kirkland students.

Removing his bear head, he then proceeded to read to us the “concession remarks” sent by Kirkland House Masters Tom and Verena Conley. In the second of two e-mails, the Conleys identified, in a photograph, “the two sluggers in their entryway who failed to register opinions.” The ones to blame for Kirkland’s “ignominious defeat”? Max and Jesse, the House dogs. (Christakis’ theory is that Elsa and Rudy, the Pfoho dogs, had “chased them away.”)

Well, what can we say? When it comes to House Life Survey competitions, guess it really is a dog-eat-dog world.