Recap: The Grandfather Part II

Yawn. Monday night's Gossip Girl sucked. Not only did the people we care least about get the most screen time, but people we don't care about but sort of have a vested interest in given their screen time earlier this season seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth. Oh well. Storyline ratings after the jump.

The Nate tries to develop his character but fails storyline.

Plot Intrigue: Distracted by the lack of inflection in Nate's voice. -5

Bee tee dubbs, have we ever heard him talk so much? Now we know why. -1

Tragic Flaw: Lack of personality. -10

Tries to form a personality by subscribing to this whole "family loyalty" thing. +1

Actions are completely incongruous with his unbearably flat personality. 0 (We're just being astute and commenting.)

PowerPlay: Tells annoying Vanessa she's annoying and self-righteous. +2

Couldn't get Serena uninvited to own party. -3

Plays Vanessa. +5

NateFail: Saw a dude drowning and stood there agape. -5

Overall: -16

The Serena trades her friends for a sucky job storyline.

Plot Intrigue: Kind of sick of this working girl thing. -4

SerenaFail: Only value is her social network, which is sorely lacking. -5

Gets called a prostitute. -3

Has no verbal comeback. -1

We like the nonverbal comeback. +5

Also, what happened to the whole I need to find my dad thing?? -5 for flakiness, +5 because that storyline sucked anyway.

FashionFail: Fugly gold shawl thing. -2

Even fuglier cowl neck shirt thing. -3

Overall: -13

The Blair gets a call girl storyline.

Plot Intrigue: Maybe it was the big boobs or the fake Barbie hair, but from the moment FlyBy saw "Brandeis," we knew something was up. -5

Tragic Flaw: Has no friends. -10

LOLBlair: I CAN HAZ KAKE?? BEST MOMENT EVER. +10

Though we have to ask, if Blair had frosting all over her face, would she lick it off? -1

Would she stand there sullenly and scrape off the cake particles from her face and hair? -1

FashionFail: Hideous gold foil of a dress. -3

Apparently has the same fashion sense as a hooker. -5

BlairFail: Has no friends. -10

Best quip: How do I look? Minion: (pause) Superior. -3

Most Politically Incorrect Line: Please. I'm not friends with staff. -3

Overall: -31

The Vanessa thinks she made it big storyline.

Tragic Flaw: Thinks she made it big. -5

Is wrong. -10

FashionFail: Her "shirt" looks like it's on backwards. -2

Overall: -17

The Hilary Duff is a non celebrity storyline.

Plot Intrigue: Is it just me or are all the storylines extra lame?? Bathroom Boy?? I mean, that story isn't even funny. Or worth those 90 seconds of Jimmy Fallon time. Ugh. -20

Tragic Flaw: Hangs out with Jenny. -30

HilaryFail: Jenny has swine flu. -2

PowerPlay: Sexiles Vanessa. Every. Night. +10

Overall: -42

The every other character on the show disappeared storyline.

Plot Intrigue: None.

Overall: 0