Recap: "Dan de Fleurette" Da Fool

After last week's episode fell short of FlyBy's expectations, we were pleasantly surprised with our Gossip Girl cast, both the old and new. Jenny's character was brought back to life with the first day of school at Constance Billard. Lily comes back from maternity leave, I mean, taking care of her mom. Blair can't bring herself to adapt to her present environment and lives in the past instead. Rufus is annoying. So is Serena. Nate has nice arms. Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks on the show make for extra hilarity. Anyway, we've put together our assessment of the various storylines introduced in last night's episode. Some spoilers and ratings after the jump.

The Dan is dumb storyline.

Plot Intrigue: Painfully drawn out dramatic irony. -10

Power Play: Totally forgets about Georgina. +3

Rebounds within the first few minutes of episode on hot girl. +3

Hot girl turns out to be Hilary Duff/Olivia Burke. +5

Later is in a position to "consider" going out with Hilary Duff/Olivia Burke again while Hilary Duff/Olivia Burke makes puppy eyes at him. +3

DanFail: Lives in a cave and doesn't realize who Hilary Duff/Olivia Burke is. -5

Is so self-absorbed and oblivious to the paparazzi trailing her that his conclusion is she just didn't want to hang out with him. -1

Overall: -2

The Serena continues "finding" herself storyline.

Plot Intrigue: Okay, this whole "finding yourself" thing is getting on FlyBy's nerves. -3

Daddy doesn't love you. Now stop being a little baby and go get your Ivy League degree that's been handed to you. Just like everything in your life. -2

Job Interview Faux Pas: Throwing a gray blazer over a low-cut top doesn't make your top any more professional. -1

Fashion Faux Pas: Super tacky matching rhinestones with Tyra Banks at the movie première. -2

PowerPlay: Pisses off PR lady, who needs to stop looking like she has something up her derrière. +3

Gets fired. -5

Gets Tyra Banks (omg.) to salvage her job. +7

Overall: -3

The Blair needs to grow up storyline.

BlairFail: Hanging out with loser teeny bopper nobodies. -100

Humiliated at own annual Waldorf sleepover. -100^2

Unknowingly falls for Chuck's ego-boosting scheme. -2

Totally eats up Chuck's line about "I'm Chuck Bass. You conquered, therefore you are" bull. -7

Fashion Faux Pas: Blair's weird banana-colored sleepwear. -3

WTF moment: Constance airhead/Blair worshiper. "OMGBSE!!!!!!!!!!!!" LYKE, BEST SLEEPOVER EVER LOLZ. (gag.) -20

Best quip: (Chuck, referring to his Blair Bear, I mean, Elephant) "Dumbo could always fly. He just needed a magic feather." +11

Overall: -10121

The Jenny finally scores her first storyline four episodes into the season storyline.

Plot Intrigue: No more nairtinis. -5

No more headbands. +3

This is a new era. -1 B is for Blair, not Brooklyn Wannabe. Sorry little J, FlyBy'd take B over you any day.

Personality Flaw: Sulks with her little gay friend when things don't go her way. -3

Her default expression. Pouting doesn't become you, dear. -5

Is so presumptuous as to assume Chuck would cheat on Blair with her. -2

PowerPlay: Manages to regain queen bee status. Sort of. +5

Asks for a yogurt. A YOGURT?! You have three fawning idiot stick figures with no souls at your feet and that's what you ask for?? -10

Overall: -17

The Tyra Banks can't act storyline.

Fashion Points: The hair, when she first appears in the episode. -5

Manages to get hair under control for the première. +3

TyraFail: Maybe you should just stick to ANTM. -10

Ridiculous over-the-top "acting" was sort of hilarious. +1

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CUT MY SCENE!" Really, Tyra? What about the part in your "movie" when you guys were like "ze germans! zey mustn't get zeir 'ands on ze documents!" -1

Overall: -12

The Famous Hilary Duff/Olivia Burke just wants to be "normal" storyline.

Plot Intrigue: Real original. -10

Fashion Faux Pas: Um, what's with the hat?? -1

LOLVanessa: when she's all googly-eyed over Hilary Duff/Olivia Burke. I CAN HAZ ROOMMATE? -1

PowerPlay: Tries to run away from PR person. +1

Pretty lame attempt, ends up crawling back with tail hanging between legs. -2

Tricks foolish Dan into thinking she's Ordinary Kate. +2

Forgets she's Ordinary Kate. -3

Overall: -14

The Scott is creepy storyline.

Personality Flaw: Scott is creepy. -13

Overall: -13

Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Hippi ippi