Recap: "How to Succeed in Bassness" — or, what NOT to do

Well, well, well. Last night's episode was all glitz and glam. Jenny's a spineless bitch, Chuck grants forgiveness, retracts forgiveness, grants forgiveness, partly retracts forgiveness, and Nate finds a new pastime. Involving vampires and o-faces. The usual storyline ratings, after the jump.

The Serena thinks she's a working PR girl storyline.

Fashion Faux Pas: Someone needs to tell this blonde chick that if you're working in the real world, it's not okay to bare your entire cleavage and backside or expose your lady flower in the office. -5

PowerPlay: Tells dumb Dan he has no street cred. +3

Snags a hot celebrity boyfriend without even trying. +3

Move also saves her ass. +1

Except her job was in jeopardy, like, 5 times in one episode, so her nanosecond of brilliance belies her true mental faculties. -10

Overall: -8

The Chuck wants to be a man/Blair has a bad, bad night storyline.

Power Play: Tries being a man and not letting Blair wear the pants in the relationship. +20

Fails. -20

Dorota's sex life depends on Chuck's fickle love. +3

Fashion Faux Pas: Blair's hair, looking a little flat. Heard of volumizing spray? -2

BlairFail: All around, sadly. -20

Overall: -19

The Jenny fails at life storyline.

Tragic Flaw: Thinks running away from home is the solution to her problems despite historical evidence to the contrary. -11

Fashion Faux Pas: Let's see. Oversized t-shirt + raggedy skinny tie + cheap leather mini skirt + fishnet stockings. -20

That, coupled with horrible hair extensions and a sullen personality. -100

Power Play: Asks servile idiot-stick-figures-with-no-soul to peel the skin off her almonds. +1

Has no clout over her little gay friend and his boyfriend. -9

JennyFail: Loses at her own game. -1000

Overall: -1138

The Dan is gullible storyline.

Tragic Flaw: Dating Hilary Duff. -5

Fashion Faux Pas: Burgundy velvet top hat != gangsta. -1

DanFail: Falls for Hilary Duff's line about her fake relationship with a hot vampire co-star in hot and heav[il]y[-edited] sex scene of vampire trilogy. -3

Goes ga ga over Hilary's o-face. -1

Leaves screenshot of said expression on laptop. Such indiscretion! -5

Power Play: Loser Dan made it on Page Six. +1

Overall: -14

The Nate likes porn storyline.

Tragic Flaw: Is into vampire sex. -10

Fashion Points: Baby hair man bangs are back! +1

NateFail: Hasn't gotten laid in the last two episodes. -60

Overall: -69

The Vanessa fell off the face of the earth storyline.

Plot intrigue: +1000000

Overall: +1000000

Dorota's sex life depends on Chuck's fickle love. +3