Football to Resume Ivy League Slate at Cornell

As the calendar flips to October in Boston, thankfully we still have some of the vestiges of summer—the leaves have not begun to fall, the sun continues to shine, and temperatures still allow for t-shirts and shorts.

Though the climate is relatively similar across the New England and Mid-Atlantic region, I will likely pack my winter coat as I depart for Ithaca, N.Y., this weekend to cover the Harvard-Cornell game. The barren land around the Finger Lakes just screams “frozen tundra,” even well before the onset of winter. But more on Cornell later.

We’re heading into Week 4 of the 2017 football season, and there is just about no separation between any of the Ivy League contenders. Perennial favorites like Harvard, Penn, and Princeton have all suffered losses, while upstarts Yale, Dartmouth, and Columbia show no signs of slowing down. Folks, I haven’t seen this much parity since I watched Blazing Saddles.

One inevitable consequence of the quality football being played by so many Ivy League programs is that my expert opinions could backfire on me at any moment. After many hours of studying and deliberation to avoid ruining my reputation, here are my picks for this week.

BROWN AT STETSON

Brown is playing Stetson University. Stetson University is in DeLand, Fla. DeLand sounds similar to the land. “The Land” is one of Cleveland’s nicknames. The Cleveland Browns play in The Land.

If you’re wondering where I’m going with this, basically Brown is the Ivy equivalent of the Cleveland Browns. Get it? Because of the name. But also because of their records. All these similarities are making my job here pretty easy.

While non-conference games are always hard to project, Stetson is not looking so hot to begin 2017. The Hatters have a sterling 0-5 record, and for some Ancient Eight perspective, they lost to Dartmouth, 38-7. Brown’s defense has been its issue so far, but Stetson does not have a formidable offense, scoring a paltry 12 points per game.

When two struggling teams collide, at least one has to earn a win somehow. The Browns are currently 0-4, but Brown University will look to break away from its Cleveland counterpart this weekend.

Pick: Brown 24, Stetson 17

YALE AT DARTMOUTH

In The Doors’ song “Peace Frog,” Jim Morrison sings of “blood in the streets in the town of New Haven.” Luckily for Yale, this portentous lyric holds no weight this week, as the Bulldogs are on the road in Hanover, N.H.

Yale has apparently decided to become the Wilt Chamberlain of Ivy League football, thus far posting nearly 50 points per contest. Will it go for 100 in a game this season? Only time will tell.

The Bulldogs’ Chamberlain-esque offense is powered by an explosive running game anchored by a senior-freshman duo. Deshawn Salter and Zane Dudek have combined for 663 yards in just three games, each averaging over 100 per game.

Following a dead-last finish in the Ivy League last year, Dartmouth has rebounded early on in 2017. The potent Big Green defense halted 2016 co-champion Penn at just 13 points last week. More notably, Dartmouth has limited its opponents to under 100 rushing yards per game—unstoppable forces Salter and Dudek, meet your immovable object.

If you are a dedicated reader of this column, you know that we love to pile on Yale and New Haven in general, but there really isn’t anything to critique as long as Yale remains unbeaten. As Morrison would say, Strange Days indeed.

Pick: Yale 30, Dartmouth 27

COLUMBIA AT MARIST

Legendary Columbia coach Al Bagnoli has finally returned to his former glory. Bagnoli came out of retirement in 2014 to retake the reins at Columbia, and the Lions returned the favor by going a perfect 0-10. They earned two victories in 2015 and bumped their win mark up to three in 2016. This week, they have a chance to eclipse three wins, and we just finished up September.

The Lions have gotten off to an unexpected 3-0 start, including a 28-24 upset victory over Ancient Eight co-favorite Princeton. The matchup with the Tigers went down to the wire, as Anders Hill connected with Ronald Smith for the go-ahead touchdown with just 1:12 left to play.

Not only will Columbia look forward to extending its winning streak this weekend, but the Lions will also relish a chance to get out of New York City. It’s a given that Ithaca, New Haven, and the like will draw our ire, but for one of the world’s premier cities, New York is very underwhelming. It’s packed. There are rats. Seas of garbage dot the sidewalks. You get the picture.

Away from the smog of the city, the Lions should devour the Red Foxes with ease.

Pick: Columbia 41, Marist 17

PENN AT CENTRAL CONNECTICUT STATE

How’s this for hard-hitting journalism? The Daily Pennsylvanian reported on a Wharton class in which students designed Buzzfeed quizzes—and some went viral! The most popular quiz asked readers to choose from a list of fall things, and it promised to determine which version of Taylor Swift the reader is most like. Just a hunch, but I don’t think Quakers football was on the list of fall favorites.

In the Buzzfeed spirit, here are three reasons why Penn won’t beat Central Connecticut State on Saturday. You won’t believe No. 3!

First, Central Connecticut thinks it can hang with the best of them. It actually can’t, as evidenced by a 50-7 loss to Syracuse and a 59-9 defeat at Youngstown State, but the confidence is what really matters.

Second, Penn has shown a tendency for barn-burners in 2017, but over the last two weeks, Central Connecticut has outscored its opponents, 83-21.

Third (and most importantly), Penn doesn’t get to play in its winter-weather terrordome. When the Quakers beat Harvard last year at Franklin Field, I nearly froze to death in the outdoor press box, which was actually just two rows of bleachers with caution tape around them.

Pick: Central Connecticut 30, Penn 24

GEORGETOWN AT PRINCETON

This one is a clash of royalty. A college with “prince” in its title takes on another with King George II as its speculated namesake. Here’s where I would make some kind of Game of Thrones reference, but apparently I am the last person on planet Earth who hasn’t watched the series yet.

I have a suggestion for the Hoyas: stop scheduling Ivy League opponents. Just stop it. I’m not saying by any means that the Ancient Eight is some sort of bastion of elite football, but for whatever reason Georgetown struggles mightily against Ivy opponents. This year, the Hoyas have already lost to Columbia, and Harvard strolled into RFK Stadium to deliver a 41-2 trouncing.

Georgetown has one more Ivy League team left on its schedule—like the other games, this one does not look promising. Princeton senior quarterback Chad Kanoff has a completion percentage over 70, and he has thrown for 920 yards in three games. Kanoff also has a multitude of receiving options to target. Last week, we saw the Hoyas struggle to defend Harvard’s passing attack, and the Crimson’s quarterback situation is not as established as the Tigers’.

However, Georgetown is still counting its blessings that it escaped RFK Stadium last week without the building suffering a massive structural failure. I’m sure a loss won’t weigh too heavily on the Hoyas’ minds.

Pick: Princeton 48, Georgetown 7

HARVARD AT CORNELL

Cornell, Cornell, Cornell.

When preparing to write this column, I thought: could Harvard Club Flag Football beat the Big Red? It sounds ludicrous, but people ponder whether Alabama could beat the NFL’s worst team all the time. All the flag football team would need is a few uniforms and sets of pads, and it would be good to go.

Speaking of uniforms, in my opinion Harvard’s evoke a sense of tradition and pride—the multitude of combinations of crimson, black, white, and gold blend perfectly to form the epitome of a quality football uniform. Cornell’s, on the other hand, fall flat. In the words of Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy, Cornell is the “tomato can” of the Ivy League, and the garish Big Red jerseys only serve to strengthen this metaphor.

The Big Red is a punching bag this year for a variety of reasons. The scoring has not worked out. Cornell is averaging 15 points per game, and its top rusher has posted just 39 yards a contest. The defense has not worked out either. The Big Red has only forced three turnovers in three weeks.

It’s bad enough that Cornell is facing another letdown of a season. It’s even worse that the Big Red has to swallow this letdown in desolate Ithaca. I feel like the only pastime there would be walking around the woods in search of wild Cornell students.

For example, it’s really telling that that tripadvisor places the Cornell Lab of Ornithology fourth on its “Things to do in Ithaca” list. On the bright side, Big Red fans have an opportunity to put their bird knowledge to good use: they can identify birds around Schoellkopf Field instead of having to watch the Crimson run up the score on Saturday.

Pick: Harvard 44, Cornell 13