AROUND THE IVIES: A Sonnet To Start Harvard’s Ivy Play

First losses plague the Ancient Eight’s elite,

Foreseen victors not keen to fall again.

Redeem the polls by rising to thy feet.

What says Harvard, what says Brown, what says Penn?

A dark horse lurks somewhere among the pack,

Ready to pounce should others start to fail.

Which New York Ivy eyes the title track?

Or shall the big surprise arise from Yale?

Alas, there’s one more question left to touch:

Not if Dartmouth will lose, but by how much?

My apologies to Bill Shakespeare, who just found out that turning over in one’s grave is more uncomfortable than you’d think. Let’s make some football picks for Week 2.

CORNELL (1-0) AT YALE (1-0)

The Bulldogs and the Big Red will take the field at the Yale Bowl tomorrow fresh off of trouncing Patriot League foes Georgetown and Bucknell, respectively. While neither team is seen as a frontrunner for an Ivy title, one will walk away from this game with both momentum and a head start in the Ancient Eight race.

Yale’s new quarterback Patrick Witt—brother of former Harvard signal caller Jeff—was a model of efficiency in Week 1, going 22-for-27 with 216 yards and 2 touchdowns. He’ll have to sort some things out with his linemen, though, after getting sacked six times.

As for Cornell, I might owe the Big Red an apology. In last week’s column, I mocked the team for playing the guy who “might be [its] best quarterback,” Stephen Liuzza, at wide receiver while the untested Ben Ganter lined up behind center. Well, Ganter managed Cornell’s offense adequately against Bucknell while Liuzza showed why it’s not smart to pigeon-hole him into one position—he rushed five times for 71 yards and a touchdown, caught two passes for 11 yards, and even threw a nine-yard completion.

Prediction: Yale 24, Cornell 17

DARTMOUTH (0-1) AT NO. 7 NEW HAMPSHIRE (2-0)

It’s no secret to the four of you who regularly read this column that I derive a certain degree of sadistic pleasure from making fun of Dartmouth football.

But when I see injustice in the world, I feel compelled to stand up and say something.

To whoever scheduled the Big Green to play against the seventh-ranked team in the Football Championship Subdivision (FCS, formerly Division 1-AA), does your cruelty know no bounds? I refuse to believe that Dartmouth coach Buddy Teevens was behind this because he seems like a really nice guy. But somewhere out there, someone pitched the idea of making this game happen, whispering sweet nothings about intrastate rivalries and it being “good for the fans.”

In addressing this person, I cite yet another Bard—Sir William Ferrell from his seminal work, “Good Cop, Baby Cop”: “I don’t know who blackened your soul a long time ago, but may God have mercy on it.”

Prediction: New Hampshire 48, Dartmouth 7

COLUMBIA (1-0) VS. CENTRAL CONNECTICUT STATE (1-1)

Last season, the book on Columbia was “Great Defense, Non-Existent Offense.” The team only won one game (guess who they beat), but the groundwork for a successful program was ther