Tricks In Store For Ivy Football

In Tim Burton’s Halloween classic, “The Nightmare Before Christmas,” the protagonist Jack Skellington laments how, “I, Jack, the Pumpkin King, have grown so tired of the same old thing.”

Well, Jack, I can relate. After three-plus years of college, things start to get repetitive—especially around this time of year. I won’t have to leave my room this weekend (although I will) to know what’s going on out in the street.

A gaggle of costumed, sleep-deprived overachievers will descend on Cambridge, using their Harvard-infused creativity to display what will surely be a diverse array of get-ups, ranging from topical (“Michael Jackson—brilliant!”) to typical (pick some kind of public servant/household pet/healthcare professional and insert the word “slutty” before it. Voila!).

Drinks will be consumed, mistakes will be made, and you’ll find yourself wondering if the guy in the cop costume handcuffing you and reading something about a girl named Miranda aloud has taken this Halloween thing a little too far.

Sure, Halloween at Harvard still has its charms. But the fact that I’m commiserating with an animated skeleton tells me that I might need a change of pace. Fortunately, the increasing monotony of college life has not extended to Ivy League football, and the Ancient Eight is still full of exciting tricks and treats.

Trick: Dartmouth beat Columbia, 28-6, last week, giving the Big Green its first win since the Bush administration. Apparently Dartmouth sophomore running back Nick Schweiger is still young enough to not know that the Big Green is never, under any circumstances, supposed to be impressive. The second-year broke out for 242 yards on the ground against the Lions, singlehandedly exposing Columbia as Ivy title-race posers while demoting Princeton to official league doormat.

Treat: Buddy Farnham. Everyone knew that the Brown “Killer B” was good. But what the senior wideout is doing this season is flat-out stupid. After catching 10 passes for 197 yards two weeks ago against Princeton, Farnham decided he wants the Ivy League Player of the Year award now rather than later. Last week in Ithaca, Farnham hauled in nine passes for 207 yards against Cornell. To put this in perspective, in the last two weeks, Farnham has gained more receiving yards than the entire Yale team.

With Week 7 upon us, one can only hope that the Ancient Eight teams have even more surprises left in their bags.

PENN (4-2, 3-0 IVY) AT BROWN (4-2, 2-1 IVY)

To date, this is the most important game of the season. How the Ivy League title race shapes up hinges directly on this contest.

If Penn wins, the Quakers set up what will in all likelihood be a battle of undefeated Ivy powerhouses with Harvard in Week 9.

If Brown comes out on top, not only does the Crimson become the clear frontrunner to take home the trophy, but the possibility of an awkward three-way tie for the title remains in place.

The Bears are surging right now, having won four straight since losing two tough games to kick off the season. Farnham and quarterback Kyle Newhall-Caballero headline a juggernaut of an aerial attack, one that might be too much even for Penn, which boasts the league’s top defense. I think the home team takes this one, and the Ivy pool gets a whole lot murkier.

Prediction: Brown 24, Penn 17

CORNELL (2-4, 1-2 IVY) AT PRINCETON (1-5, 0-3 IVY)

Cornell is a mess. Its best quarterback, Stephen Liuzza, is listed at wide receiver but spends most of his time at running back, which I think says it all.

Even so, the Big Red should easily dispatch Princeton, which is basically a less-exciting version of Dartmouth at this point.

Prediction: Cornell 27, Princeton 20

YALE (3-3, 1-2 IVY) AT COLUMBIA (2-4, 1-2 IVY)

This matchup is almost as uninspiring as the last one.

Yale has scored 16 points in its last two games, and somehow won one of them. The Bulldogs’ imposing defense and non-existent offense make Yale games seem about as fun to watch as UC meetings. Having said that, while it’s unlikely you’ll find me watching our campus’ would-be legislators at work anytime soon, I will trek down to New Haven in November for The Game. Yale, after all, allows kegs at tailgates, while the UC’s history with kegs and the like is tenuous at best.

As for Columbia, I’d rather not speak of the Lions. I heralded them all year as an Ivy League sleeper pick, and how do they repay me? Three-straight losses in ascending order of embarrassment to Lafayette, Penn, and...Dartmouth.

Prediction: Yale 13, Columbia 10

DARTMOUTH (1-5, 1-2 IVY) AT HARVARD (4-2, 3-0 IVY)

Dartmouth blew Columbia out of the water last week, and suddenly the “What Ifs?” start to appear. What if the Nick Schweiger Express, now running with a full head of steam, rolls into Cambridge and plows through the Crimson? What if the Big Green becomes a spoiler, ruining better teams’ championship hopes and turning the Ivy League on its head? What if we all let one week make us forget everything we know about Dartmouth and erect a shrine to Keggy the Keg on top of the John Harvard statue?

Maybe we should all take a deep breath and look at this matchup objectively.

Both teams bring a balanced approach to the game of football.

Harvard is second in the league in total offense, with 1,034 rushing yards and 1,097 passing yards. Dartmouth also mixes up the run and the pass, in that the Big Green allows almost as many yards in the air as it does on the ground and is dead last in the Ivies in total defense.

It’s the perfect storm for a blowout. Expect the Crimson to haunt Dartmouth at every turn tomorrow, turning the Big Green’s dream week into a nightmare.

Happy Halloween!

Prediction: Harvard 42, Dartmouth 13

Last Week: 3-1

Record to Date: 23-13

—Staff writer Loren Amor can be reached at lamor@fas.harvard.edu.