Harvard Hoochies Take a Break from Hooching To Discuss Their Prey: Crimson Athletes

They are some of the Crimson’s biggest sports fans, yet they don’t even attend Harvard. In fact, they go to one of the Crimson’s cross-town rivals. But the Harvard Hoochies—a group of self-proclaimed “BU biddies, hooching and husband hunting at Harvard Final Clubs” known for their presence on campus and on Twitter—stay on top of Crimson athletics.

We caught up with the Hoochies via email to hear their thoughts on all things Harvard sports. Check out their unedited responses below to find out what they have to say about Harvard’s female athletes, Crimson basketball, Harvard’s uniforms, and much more.

The Harvard Crimson: Which is your favorite Harvard sports team and why?

Harvard Hoochies: We don’t discriminate. If he’s a Harvard athlete, he’s sexual meat by default.

THC: Who is your favorite Harvard athlete and why?

HH: Here are a few by club:

The Delphic: J.T. Tomes - Harvard Baseball - Most genuine guy at Harvard

The Fly: Andrew Fulham - Squash Team - Straight out of a Vineyard Vines ad

The Fly: Max Campion - Golf Team - Also straight out of a Vineyard Vines ad

The Owl: Dan DiMaria - Harvard Lacrosse - Stereotypical bro who loves himself and has great hair. What more could you want?

The Owl: Ryan Cutter - Harvard Swimming - 1 word: Speedo

The Fox: Austin Taylor – Harvard Football - Complete gentleman, not to mention he’s active on Twitter

The Spee: Devin Saxon - Harvard Football - Why? Because he’s a man-god, that’s why

THC: What is the hottest position in sports?

HH: Dirty question. Wrestling gets pretty steamy…but those tight spandex pants the Football players wear are nice to stare at no matter what the position.

THC: How much time do you spend on gocrimson.com looking at the rosters to find your future husband?

HH: Let’s just say that gocrimson.com comes up in the URL bar before Google. Not sorry.

THC: What is your take on female athletes at Harvard? Do you feel threatened by them at all?

HH: We can’t believe you’re even asking this question.

THC: Do you have any favorite Harvard women's teams or athletes?

HH: Stop it.

THC: Compare and contrast men's basketball and football:

HH: Oh Jesus. Grade A meat all around but here goes.

Harvard Men’s Basketball:

OBSESSED with their shoes

Do bros that tall have feelings?

McNasty is always fun to watch

Kyle Casey - Delish

Harvard Football

Love the tight uniforms

Came through at Harvard-Yale yet again

Mainly in The Owl which makes them easy to stalk when we’re craving beefcakes

THC: What were your thoughts on the Harvard-BU men's basketball game in December?

HH: We went to support our team (as in Harvard). We knew we’d win. At the end of the day there’s no real comparison between the 2 teams.

THC: If you could make any changes to the Harvard basketball uniforms, what would they be?

HH: Have their Twitter handles on the back of each player’s jersey. That whole team is on Twitter. But if it was truly up to us, they wouldn’t be wearing anything at all…

THC: On a scale of golfers to football players, where do sportswriters fit in?

HH: I mean if you go to Harvard and are in a final club, who cares whether or not you play a sport?

THC: Which teams would you like to see more of?

HH: Harvard Crew, Harvard Hockey (AD?), Harvard Wrestling