Arts Vanity: How To Tour An Art Museum Effectively

Over winter break, I am planning a quick getaway to NYC —to see some friends, eat some great food — hopefully find a good gluten free bagel— and engage in a bit of culture: a quasi- “Eat, Pray, Love,”some might say. What I primarily plan to do, however, is visit art museums, which, as I grow older and enter the wizened age of 20, seems to be something I should be enjoying more often. Touring a museum is a bit of an art form in itself. Therefore, I thought it might be fun to put together a “guide” for touring an art museum. Take from it what you will.

What to Wear and Who Are You Going With?

These two questions are linked. What you wear is likely dependent on who you are going with. Who you are going with is likely dependent on what kind of event this. Is it a solo-endeavor? A date? A date you wish was actually a solo-endeavor? A solo-endeavor you secretly wish was a date? A second question to ask yourself: Are you part of the art? If a museum is just a home for artwork, aren’t visitors technically part of the exhibit? If yes —then dress like it. We are, of course, mainly here to see and experience great art and the pinnacle of human creativity, but there’s no reason why we shouldn't look good doing so. Nothing too flashy, but also nothing too drab. What is the vibe we want to portray here —classy, sophisticated intellectual? Slightly rolled-out-of-bed artistic genius? Mainly here for the impeccably lit Instagram shots? These are all important questions to consider and weigh carefully. Remember that you are perhaps always on display—whether you like it or not.

How to See the Museum, Actually!

Museums all have very distinct, carefully calibrated floor plans. How to actually see the museum is often a topic of discussion (heated debate) while you and your “friend” are in the ticket line. Do you stick to the well-trodden path and cling to the map and directory? Or do you freestyle? Is art meant to be witnessed as a historical progression and a human narrative — from Renaissance to postmodern — or are we meant to be surprised? While this is of course up to you, I favor the latter approach. Art reflects life, in which (unfortunately, or maybe fortunately) there is no directory involved. You enter rooms which draw you. You exit those that don’t. Granted, you can always learn from the art in rooms that don’t feel quite right— but remember there’s always a floor above, a floor below, and sometimes, a room right behind you.

Other museum logistics. Coat check? Latte? I argue for the no coat, yes to coffee approach. Should you visit the museum cafe first? Or grab a snack afterwards? You can’t witness great art hungry, and I’d wager that Manet wouldn’t even begin painting on an empty stomach.

Some food for thought: How long to stand in front of a painting until it gets weird? Art museums are perhaps the only area in a city where you’re encouraged to slow down. Take your time admiring the work, try to understand its meaning. It’s ok if you don’t. Understanding things is often hard, e.g. math. Here, you can often make a remark. Museums are super great because they provide endless visual stimuli to intellectually comment on during a date. “I like that color,” “This work reminds me of the passage of time” (it's a painting of a clock), or my personal favorite, “Wow.”

Finally, do we skip the main attractions and be independent, free-thinking beings? Or do we cave to societal pressure and push through the crowd to get an awkward half-faced selfie with the Birth of Venus (as I did in Italy a summer ago?) The Museum of Modern Art has Starry Night. The Metropolitan Museum of Art has the Dutch painters (Vermeer, Rembrandt). What to see is up to you. Just remember that if you don’t see the main attractions, you will likely have to deal with everyone asking you afterwards why you didn’t.

One more note: Definitely try to find your painting look-alike in the portrait section. It is even more fun if they look absolutely nothing like you.

Final Takeaways?

One thing to absolutely never skip: the gift shop. It will give you a chance to reflect on the sad trend of the commoditization of art and materialistic culture, while actively contributing to it. Will you get something simple like a key-chain? Something practical like a tote bag? Or will you go all out and purchase an overpriced piece of jewelry? Regardless of what you buy, try to use it. We often live a lot of life forgetting about the great souvenirs we once purchased.

Maybe we walk out of a museum with a printed postcard we likely won’t use. Maybe we leave newly inspired and enlightened by the world. And maybe we leave with one of the most unsettling feelings of all: I really should have kept up those art classes my mom made me take in 2nd grade.

—Incoming Television Executive Caroline J. Rubin can be reached at caroline.rubin@thecrimson.com.