I Spent Hours Petitioning for Classes and Still Haven’t Been Accepted to Any

Dear Adviser,

It is time for Spring 2025 class registration, and all I see are rows and rows of orange clocks on my.harvard. My Crimson Cart is full, carefully curated, and yearns to be approved, but the white box resting innocently at the center of the page stands between me and the classes of my dreams.

If I don’t get any green check marks, I will be forced to pay the $50 late registration fee, and I won’t get to network with high-achieving students and professors, and then everyone will realize how stupid I am, and I’ll never become president of the IOP, and then I won’t get into law school and become a Supreme Court Justice and then retire from the Supreme Court to become president. Instead I’ll be living in my parents’ basement eating Cheetos and playing video games. My cursor pulses in tandem with the beat of my heart as I begin impassioned petitions of the four courses I crave so desperately.

Please help me — do you have any advice on how to get into these four classes I’ve listed below?

With desperation,

Your aspiring future president of the IOP (and then the United States)

Expository Writing 21: “The Habits of Highly Intelligent Individuals (Like Yourself)”

Professor Ralph Henry Frost Enrolled: 0/15

This seminar class is exactly like Expository Writing 20 but welcomes students with more advanced writing and deductive reasoning skills. Please submit a piece of writing you are proud of and that you feel demonstrates your ability to succeed in this demanding writing course. Best of luck.

Computer Science 50.5: “Advanced Introduction to Computer Science”

Professor William Yale Enrolled: 0/60

Because Computer Science 50: “Introduction to Computer Science” is available online and at Yale University, we have decided to offer a more exclusive and advanced introductory course directed at students who have previous knowledge and expertise in the field. In order to determine your qualifications for acceptance into the course, we ask you to create a website that shows your CS qualifications and publication-quality 10-page research paper about a CS topic of your choice through the my.harvard portal.

Your website should include:

Please submit these materials by 3:14 a.m. on Saturday. Stay secure!

Government 2024: “Fairness: Navigating Moral Dilemmas in Divided Times”

Professor Michael Sanders Enrolled: 0/9500

Hello students. The demand for this course is always very high and we take selection very seriously, so keep your expectations low. To be considered, you will need to submit a petition with the following information:

Humanities 11: “A Compendium of Philosophy and Literature”

Professors Max Twon, Janice Asten, and Jim Boldwen Enrolled: 0/30

Humanities 10, but exclusively for sophomores, juniors, and seniors. Eligibility is only for students who successfully completed Humanities 10a and 10b in their first year at the college. Please submit the following through the Common Application: