They’re (B)eating the Dogs

We know the drill, it’s our third time roasting

Pitted us against the same writer, to that we are toasting

A little sparse with your roast last year

You probably shed a tear at our jeer

You should have seen us boasting

Rhodes Scholars just dropped

Your numbers sorta flopped

Currier House tied your entire school

Maybe next year you can use as fuel

That our eight to your three had you topped

Copying our course load with a class on Beyonce

We had one on Taylor first, which we won’t downplay

Our athletes list their majors, it’s a nice look

Your athletes only study the playbook

Though you’ll still lose, to fans’ dismay

Our endowment returns blow yours out of the water

Stick to the S&P, it’ll help your future alma mater

Head of the Charles brings thousands to our river

Round two along the banks, prepare your liver

You’re gonna need to medicate after this slaughter

Your QB’s a nice guy, southern boy

But our boy Psyk will throw him around like a toy

Psyched you guys out, that loss to Cornell

Reno didn’t choose the right passer, you could tell

Jordan’s implosion, fans will enjoy

Couldn’t keep pace with Lions, you fell

All signs point to another round of yips, time will tell

Taking a page from women’s soccer

Ended your season short, not much of a shocker

Round two, triumph in the Stadium, we smell

Mason Shipp seems awfully concerned with cleaning

And while not letting messes linger is well-meaning

His TikTok tips aren’t even viral

He should focus on tracking down the football’s spiral

If the team’s that dirty maybe they should be quarantining

When the guy only has 11 yards a snatch

With those numbers he stands no match

For our guy Shipman, he’ll be cleaning

The floor with your Shipp, it’ll be demeaning

Capsize the Bulldog boat, talk about overmatch

This year, the Ivy chip is in our trophy case

No sharing it this year, you can’t save face

When we win today it will be the first time

Since 2014 that we finish the climb

Leaving you behind, without a trace

Trump may have missed with his debate line

But this weekend, we’ll all be drinking wine

To wash down our main course, so sweet

A celebration of our amazing feat

On Bulldogs, the Crimson will dine

—Staff writer Katharine A. Forst can be reached at katharine.forst@thecrimson.com

—Staff writer Jack K. Silvers can be reached at jack.silvers@thecrimson.com.