‘When Harry Met Sally’ 35 Year Retrospective: Tinder or Twists of Fate?

“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

There is a reason why this line from the final scene of the classic rom-com, “When Harry Met Sally,” feels so heartwarming. No, it isn’t because of the iconic knit sweater that Billy Crystal wears when confessing his love for Meg Ryan, but instead because this line is the culmination of the two protagonists’ slow burn romance: a declaration of love followed by a sentimental, nostalgic voiceover of the two characters describing their first encounters.

“When Harry Met Sally” is truly the perfect rom-com. In the context of the late ’80s when it was released, its central themes of desire for marriage and relationship security embodied an ideal representation of falling in love and getting married. Yet the film’s enduring timelessness in the rom-com genre is also due to its realistic depiction of an organic friendship blossoming into love. There is beauty in meeting a significant other by chance — as it happens in the film, by carpooling together on a drive home from college.

The film is steeped in the bliss of stumbling upon a soulmate organically; it is a wholesome story about the two main characters meeting, forming a platonic friendship, and slowly but surely developing a deeper and more profound bond, and ultimately fulfilling the heart’s desire for love. In watching the two characters’ friendship evolve solely through banter and their flourishing connection, one can sense a distinct authenticity of the two’s relationship.

“When Harry Met Sally” also serves as a vivid reflection of the evolving perspectives on marriage and relationships across generations. Sally's emotional breakdown upon discovering her ex-boyfriend's marriage underscores a stark generational shift. She laments that he only pursued marriage when he felt the time was right, a desire which won out over his love for Sally. The movie therefore delves into the concept of marriage as a symbol of permanence and security, often pursued not out of love but as a societal milestone.

But a shift in attitudes towards marriage is evident in today's younger generations, as over the last 50 years, marriages in the United States have declined by 60%, and the median age for first marriages has risen. Many now find contentment through other means besides binding their love to governmental contracts, and the pressure to marry by a certain age has diminished significantly. Marriage, once a means of achieving a secure social status by the age of 30, has evolved into both a personal choice influenced by love and individual preferences but also a superficial desire — a direct contradiction of the principle values glorified in the film.

The film captures the essence of a time when personal connections formed without the interference of digital devices and dating apps, exemplifying the beauty of genuine, unscripted moments that are increasingly rare in today's fast-paced, technology-driven world. The movie’s enduring relevance hinges on its ability to transport audiences back to a simpler, more romantic time when love blossomed naturally, ultimately cementing it as a classic that continues to resonate with all generations.

And yet, why do the movie’s core plot points of love over time and the beauty of meeting someone organically feel antiquated?

Researchers found in a 2022 study that approximately 53% of individuals under the age of 30 had tried using a dating site or app. The statistic was higher within LGBTQ+ people, with the community more inclined to use such platforms compared to straight individuals.

Other studies have shown that on average, an individual in the United States will spend around eight months on dating apps or websites, swiping approximately 4,000 times before finding a partner.

And yes, maybe the progressiveness of new generations has made the concept of marriage being an obligation obsolete, but has society really developed if dating apps such as Hinge have] race and ethnicity filters? And why do men spend around 65% more time looking at photos on dating apps of women — instead of actually reading the profiles — than vice versa?

In the modern dating scene, hopeless romantics are ultimately still left wondering if they can still have their own “meet-cute.”

The aforementioned studies are telling in their findings: Current generations have shifted from this idea of meeting people organically to prioritizing shallower, surface-level impressions. The search for both a physical attraction and emotional connection with a partner has been skewed because of the prevalence of social media and the superficiality of dating apps — the driving forces of meeting people in the modern day.

There is nothing inherently wrong with swiping left and right on one of the numerous apps specifically created to ease the search of a significant other; the digital age has simply increased the efficiency of meeting a potential match.

But what about those that still have a deep-seated desire for the enchanting charm of a classic meet-cute and the intoxicating slow-burn romance, much like the timeless portrayal of love that one witnesses in “When Harry Met Sally”? The longing for that serendipitous moment when two souls unexpectedly collide in the most unexpected of places — sparking a connection that feels destined — feels like a part of the past.

The film, particularly in a modern context, should thus serve as a reminder that love doesn’t always need to be a whirlwind. It can be a slow and steady journey of getting to know someone, of growing closer with each passing day; it’s about the stolen glances, the inside jokes, and the shared moments that create a strong foundation for a lasting connection.

And so, one could navigate a world filled with instant gratification and fast-paced encounters, eagerly swiping through countless profiles and waiting for their four-thousandth swipe to find the love of their life. But there still exists an ache for that old-fashioned, timeless romance — one that unfurls with the simplicity of a rom-com like “When Harry Met Sally,” — which to this day continues to remind us that some things are truly worth the wait.