How to Get Lit: A Syllabus

After watching the esteemed rapper Swae Lee at Yardfest declare, repeatedly, that he’s at Harvard University because he’s “teaching a course on how to get lit,” I was perplexed. As a tenured professor at this esteemed university, I asked myself: “ What department does this course fall under? Why haven’t I seen Professor Lee at faculty meetings? What does getting ‘lit’ even mean?”

After extensive research and hours-long calls with my 27 grandchildren, all of whom attend Harvard, I learned that “getting lit” is synonymous with “turning up,” a term with which I am familiar. After some peer review, I realized Swae Lee was just pulling my leg and was not actually teaching a class.

If no one will teach Harvard students “how to get lit,” I, at the ripe age of 87, will. Created in conjunction with Swae Lee himself and the elusive owner of the Harvard State Instagram account, GENED 42069: How to Get Lit will approach the most important question of Generation Z from multiple lenses: legal, psychological, and field research.

GENED 42069: How to Get Lit

Head Preceptor: Swae Lee

Every Friday at 9 a.m.

Legal:

There are no laws when drinking claws. There are, however, laws when ingesting everything else. In this portion of the course, we hope to teach our students how legal systems aid, or prevent, people from partying. We will analyze the U.S. Constitution, specifically the Third Amendment, and how you can use it to prevent the ROTC kid you hooked up with from spending the night. We will analyze court precedents regarding the devil’s lettuce, indecent exposure, and graphic DFMOs at Tasty Basty and apply them to Harvard life.

Psychological:

Do you get F.O.M.O.? Hangxiety? A nagging feeling that all of your friends hate you after a night out?

We will analyze these extremely common feelings and test popular psychological theories in the process. Can we study deferred gratification with burritos on the Jefe’s line on Saturdays at 2 a.m.? Does classical conditioning work with Fireball? Do most Harvard undergrads have an Oedipus complex? The answer is yes. To all three.

Field Research and Capstone Project:

As a requirement of the class, we expect all students to go out at least once over the weekend and complete a task each time based on the previous lecture. Examples of tasks include: grinding on at least three strangers in one night, creating false identities and using fake accents to introduce yourself to strangers, and watching your best friend hook up with your crush in a dark basement. Each week in lecture, students will learn about different ways to “throw it back” and experiment with those methods over the weekend. Then, they will report back during section and receive feedback from me.

Though Harvard was named a “Top 10 Party School” by Barstool Sports, we still have a long way to go. This course will force Harvard students to put down the books and — finally — get lit.