When the Knot Has Been Tied
While most freshmen receive assigned suitemates upon coming to Harvard, Eric T. Thompson ’24 already knew who he’d be living with: his wife.
For Thompson as well as James K. McGlinchey ’25 and Dylan A. Pancoast ’23, Harvard was not the first stop after high school. All three served in the military for six to eight years before coming to Harvard, during which time they got married. All three currently live off campus, away from the hustle and bustle of house life.
In fact, the Harvard College Handbook states that the university “does not offer undergraduate housing in the Houses or dorms to married undergraduates and/or undergraduates with families.” Since 98% of all Harvard undergraduates live in the Houses, living off campus makes these married students clear outliers.
Some couples, like McGlinchey and his wife, are able to tap into Harvard housing generally intended for graduate students, but some married students find these options difficult to navigate. “Finding out about [graduate school housing] took a lot more effort than I thought,” says Pancoast, who wishes Harvard provided more information about housing options for married undergraduates.
The veteran couples live in three different locations: McGlinchey lives in graduate housing, Pancoast lives in Boston proper, and Thompson lives in a non-Harvard affiliated apartment in Cambridge.
Ariann S. Jones ’23 and Noah Jones ’22, who married in the middle of their undergraduate years, experienced difficulty finding on-campus housing as a newly married couple, as there was no official process that the administration knew to follow. Noah ended up transferring from Mather to Kirkland, where Ariann lives, because Kirkland’s administrators were more “adaptable” to their situation, according to Ariann. Ultimately, while the couple wanted a double so they had a bit more room, they ended up with a single that was normally reserved for special situations.
Pancoast notes a social difference between himself and his peers at the College: “I’m not here for the late night hangouts people have,” he says, adding that he finds most of his friends through classes and problem set groups.
Ariann and Cameron M. Stone ’23, who also married in the middle of his time at Harvard, describe a more positive dimension of the social experience for married undergraduates. Both students are closer in age to their peers, having taken only two years off from college, and also lived on campus for their first three years at Harvard.
Cameron says that the experience of getting married and moving off-campus with his spouse pushed him to be “more deliberate” about seeing his friends, explaining how the distance between them has made the time they spend together more intentional. Ariann, who also lives off-campus now, feels similarly, saying that with fewer chances to run into friends spontaneously, she “has to make more of an effort to stay in touch.”
Both met their spouses through their faith community. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the couples describe how their faith has kept them grounded throughout their lives and their marriages. Jonessays the desire she and her husband share to “be better” partners for each other is a part of their journey toward “becoming more like Jesus Christ.”
Ariann and Stone say they felt very supported in their decision to get married. “[My friends] totally trusted and supported me,” Stone says. Ariann describes her interactions with faculty as “really welcoming,” explaining how many referred to her and her husband as “the Joneses, our favorite married couple.” She says her peers have been largely supportive as well, although “there were some social circles where it shocked people.”
Veterans McGlinchey, Pancoast, and Thompson have sought out other forms of community outside the Harvard undergraduate bubble. McGlinchey, who has two sons aged two years and nine months, finds community in the graduate school neighborhood he lives in. He speaks fondly of his block, describing it as a “super quaint little one-way lane.” He details each of his neighbors and their families, from the babysitting co-op he and his wife are a part of to the “endlessly excitable” toddler who lives across the street.
McGlinchey is involved with various on campus organizations. Thompson, to the contrary, opts to be less involved in order to spend that time with his wife instead.
While married couples make up a tiny fraction of Harvard students, McGlinchey does not consider himself an outlier due to the inherently wide range of identities and experiences among undergraduates. “Me being married and having kids is relatively unique, but I think everybody in their own way is just as or even more unique,” he says.
For Stone, his uncommon status as a married undergraduate is something to be proud of. “Figure out what is important to you in life and own it unapologetically,” he says. “Others will respect you for it.”
— Magazine writer Eden A. Getahun can be reached at eden.getahun@thecrimson.com. Follow her on Twitter @edengetahun03.