Leaked: The Bisexual Agenda

Sept. 23 was Bisexual Visibility Day. 

Is this news to you? Yeah, we thought so. 

FM’s roving bisexual reporter has taken it upon herself to leak The Bisexual Agenda, in the interest of extending such visibility beyond the brief, sweet 24 hours of this vaguely named holiday.

NORAH’S AGENDA
SEPT. 28, 2018

9 a.m. Hold up the Starbucks line because I can’t decide between a tall half-sweet PSL and a grande americano. Order both, drink at the same time with elaborate configuration of crazy straws.

9:30 a.m. Buy Tide To-Go pen for coffee stain on the fun yet professional button down I bought because it felt like something Ellen Page would wear.

10:30 a.m. Queer the literary canon in lecture.

10:45 a.m. Bathroom break; canon already pretty queer.

11:45 a.m. Buy napkins.

12 p.m. Lunch! Hold up dhall line deciding between three hot entrees; order something from grill, eat two entrees concurrently. Use napkins.

1:30 p.m. Buy pens.

1:45 p.m. Schedule a variety of sex in my agenda with new pens.

2:30 p.m. Contemplate role in the consumerist machine; am I buying things because of the Heterosexual Agenda or my own volition? Or — dare I ask — the Buy-sexual Agenda?

6 p.m. Dinner; must fuel up for the variety of sex I’ve scheduled. Unsure if I’ll be able to finally pick just one entree; pack napkins just in case.

8 p.m. Movie night! Watch Notting Hill, lean into the sexual confusion.

10:30 p.m. The Bisexual Agenda never rests but I do! Have an early night.