Where Are My Parents?

I always knew that coming to Harvard would be one of the most difficult transitions of my life. Swapping one’s bedroom for a dorm is always a challenge for any new college student, but in my case I would be leaving behind my native country, flying 13 hours across an entire ocean, and essentially moving to a completely new community and culture that I had rarely been exposed to before. As an international student, I knew that I would not hear my mother tongue in public, that I would not be able to eat authentic Korean food anywhere near the Yard, and that I would have to adapt to a completely new society whose rules and characteristics I did not yet know.

After my first two months here, although I struggled heavily with those many cultural differences and the massive physical distance separating me from my home country, in some ways I have become accustomed to college life; sometimes, I even mistakenly refer to my dorm room as “home”. I have been fortunate enough to meet many others in similar situations, and have discovered an incredibly supportive community here for students just like me. But this past Parents’ Weekend, I was hit once again with that familiar feeling of loneliness as I navigated the countless crowds of parents, families, and students milling about in the Yard. Walking past smiling and proud moms and dads, I found myself longing for a time when I could share my daily life with the people I love most.

Although I knew from the beginning of the semester that it would be impossible for my parents to brave a 13-hour flight just for a weekend, I can’t say that it hasn’t been difficult seeing so many students meeting with their families, enjoying the fall weather together, and reconnecting as much as they can with their homes. In a way, I have not been able to ground myself as effectively as those who live close enough to have their parents travel here for a weekend. Even now, Harvard effectively feels like a summer camp, just a simple interlude in my life I have to wait out before being able to return home — and I know I am not alone. Whether it is that one’s parents live too far away or cannot afford the flight to Harvard (both in my case), many Harvard students experience this feeling of isolation whenever Parents’ Weekend comes around.

Considering that such a small, but still significant, portion of the student body is unable to partake in the healing experience that Parents’ Weekend can be, it is only reasonable that the College take steps to address those concerns. It is true that there was a student-faculty dinner for those students, but Harvard could do so much more to create supportive student-student environments during the Weekend. Whether it be fun activities, some kind of social, or a meal, Harvard should strive to make campus life as approachable and welcoming to all students, not just those whose parents can come visit them during Parents’ Weekend. Perhaps those events could be support sessions for students missing their families and serve as a collective healing and recovery space for all. Especially for students who are already thousands of miles away from their homes, having that kind of support at a time when many are struggling with midterms, seasonal affective disorder, or just feeling homesick can go a long way.

Moreover, holding such events would have symbolic significance, a demonstration of the university’s dedication to diversity. It is strange that a university so committed to building a student body of such varying countries of origin does not pay as much attention to the real, valid struggles that many of these students face during a time that is so celebratory and joyous for others. Actively recognizing these issues and showing students a willingness to ameliorate the conflicts they have would, at the very least, illustrate the administration’s genuine concern for all of its students.

Of course, it would be very difficult to actually resolve the physical or financial challenges that prevent some students from spending time with their family during Parents’ Weekend; however, simple acknowledgement of the issue would help such students realize that they are not struggling alone, that their concerns are totally normal and valid, and that they too are visible, valued members of the larger Harvard student community. No one at Harvard, regardless of national origin, social class, or any other aspect of their identity, deserves to be alone in the most family-oriented time of the school year.

Andrew S. Ham ’22, a Crimson Editorial comper, lives in Thayer Hall.

Correction: Nov. 13, 2018

Due to an editing error, a previous version of this op-ed incorrectly indicated Andrew S. Ham is a member of the Class of 2021. In fact, he is a member of the Class of 2022.