FM Imagines: Alternate Expressions Dances

Last weekend, Expressions, Harvard’s student-run hip-hop dance group, presented their semesterly show “EXtra.” FM has obtained a list of rejected alternate titles. Read on to see what might have been.

EXoskeleton

Dancers wear styrofoam lobster claws. There’s a lot of crabwalking.

EX-boyfriend
Dancers spell out SCREW YOU, KYLE to a soundtrack of hysterical sobs mixed with Taylor Swift.

EXocytosis
A “molecule” bursts through a wall of other dancers, while ATP beachballs zoom around the stage.

EXhaustion
You just want to call your mom and go to sleep, but you have three papers to write and some breakdancing to do.

EXpulsion
Those papers didn’t write themselves!

EXistential
A mass of dancers labelled THE ABYSS stares accusingly at the audience while a disembodied voice raps Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

EXtinct
The plié-ing dinosaurs are poignant, but the audience doesn’t start openly weeping until the heartbreaking dance of the ivory-billed woodpecker.

EXcommunication
Separation of church and pirouetting reprobate, set to the tune of “Halo” by Beyonce.

EXorcism
That one weird kid from section is dragged, puppet-like, across the stage, while they chant—is it Latin? Is that a man-sized cross that they’re carrying out of the wings? Oh God, oh God, oh—

EXpecto patronum
Harry, yer a hip-hop dancer!

EXfoliation
In this extremely tactile piece, dancers spin on the floor and shimmy against walls until their skin is baby soft. You’ll clap so hard that your palms will be, too.

EXtreme Makeover: Home Edition
After much commotion, Ty Pennington yells, “Bus driver, move that bus!” Three dancers with frozen grins move aside to reveal a cardboard house. You find yourself tearing up.

EXxon Valdez
The year is 1989, and dozens of black-clad dancers fan out across a blue stage. They hug dancers dressed as whales and octopuses, who mime convulsive, slow-motion deaths.

ECZema
Dancers wear red, stand against a flesh-colored background, throb gently. You’re itching to get out of there quicker than you can say “atopic dermatitis”.

EXclusive single-gender social organizations
Dancers in salmon-colored shorts sip warm beer until Dean Khurana chases them offstage to Coldplay’s “Fix You”.

Runners-Up
EXtremely Loud and Incredibly Close
EXothermic reaction
EXhumed
EXtortion