Madlib: How to Make Your Staycation Seem Like a Vacation

So you bummed around your childhood home all winter break? Here's how to make your time away from Harvard sound a bit more productive.

By Valerie B. Elefante and Amelia G. Miller

TAKE 1

Hey, ____________ (friend I’m scheming to block with/random girl in my SPU section/boy whose bed I once woke up in). I ____________ (have actually really missed you/haven’t thought of you once/hope no one ever finds out about that night). So how was your winter break?

Oh, it was ____________ (incredible/productive/life-changing)? That’s cool. You ____________ (traveled to Rome, Paris, London, and Dubai/got summer offers from Goldman, Facebook, Microsoft, and the White House/built homes for kids in Burma, Yemen, Cuba, and Sudan)? Also cool. Mine was ____________ (good/fine/honestly pretty shitty). I ____________ (slept/spent too much time with my family/watched all 11 seasons of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” twice). And I guess I also ____________ (ate/beat “Call of Duty: Black Ops Zombies” level 60/checked every last Snapchat story).

Well, ____________ (nice to catch up/depressing to catch up/didn’t need to catch up—you posted it all on Facebook). Bye.

THAT FAILED, SO... TAKE 2

Hey, ____________ (friend I’m scheming to block with/random girl in my SPU section/boy whose bed I once woke up in). I am ____________ (sick of feeling bad about my break/eager to use this as an opportunity to test my creativity/willing to flat-out lie). So how was your winter break?

Oh, it was ____________ (incredible/productive/life-changing)? Really? You ____________ (traveled to Rome, Paris, London, and Dubai/got summer offers from Goldman, Facebook, Microsoft, and the White House/built homes for kids in Burma, Yemen, Cuba, and Sudan)? That’s all? Mine was ____________ (good/fine/actually pretty extraordinary). I ____________ (improved my memory, bolstered my immunity, and curbed inflammation/really connected with my dad/researched the state of modern feminism in pop culture). And I guess I also ____________ (refined my palate/served on a U.S. reconnaissance mission/studied cultural anthropology in film).

Well, ____________ (nice to catch up/satisfying to catch up/take that, bitch). Bye!