FM Imagines: Harvard Faculty Presidential Campaigns

From Bernie Sanders to Donald Trump, just about everyone seems to be throwing their name into the 2016 Presidential race. So far, one Harvard professor, Lawrence Lessig, has announced his bid for the presidency. FM imagines four of our favorites striking up Cambridge-based campaigns:

Rakesh Khurana:

Slogan: “Rakesh is the Best”

Under the radar, Rakesh started his campaign from the moment he arrived on campus. Embodying the quintessential stand-up personality, he began securing votes by seeking out every Harvard student looking for a friend. Critics question whether Rakesh can make the jump from everyone’s favorite dean to everyone’s favorite presidential candidate. While one would imagine that the guy has a strong network in Harvard alums and supporters, his natural enemy in the final club community may serve to divide his constituency from within. Nonetheless, in the spirit of a true “citizen and citizen leader of the world,” Rakesh boasts a platform based on sweeping social reform. A savior to the everyday man, don’t be surprised if Rakesh is crushed by the entrenched establishment and taught a valuable lesson: don’t mess with elitism.

Greg Mankiw:

Slogan: “Demand slopes down; Supply slopes up”

The economy is bound to be one of the biggest issues of this campaign cycle. Who better to reform America’s system than the King of Ec-10, the Titan of Supply and Demand? While showing up to campaign events may be a struggle for Mankiw based on past Ec-10 attendance, he’ll be sure to have one of the best cost-benefit analyses in the game to rationalize his absences. Plus, rumor has it Feldstein & Co. are planning to jump ship and support Mankiw’s tax plan over Bush’s if it comes down to it.

Drew Faust:

Slogan: “The President”

Accustomed to responding when people ask for “The President”, Faust decided she might as well formalize her title on the national scale. She’s got the credential to back it up: She runs an institution that has produced like, half of America’s Presidents. The beloved Harvard figure may struggle with transparency, and is likely to face opposition from the environmentalists. While we hope for Faust’s success, the Oval Office is unlikely to produce the same quaint comfort as Mass Hall. We predict that a stint in Washington will bring our good old President back to the Yard in no time.

Steven Levitsky:

Slogan: “A candidate for concentrators and non-concentrators alike”

or “It’s the government, stupid”

The esteemed Gov 20 professor just happens to be on leave for the 2015-2016 school year. Coincidence? We think not. Levitsky’s expansive knowledge of government is likely to make him a force to be reckoned with. His spectacular Q score record will translate well in the nationwide polls. However, his campaign may hit a roadblock when Levitsky realizes he can’t communicate his entire platform in passionate speeches about foreign affairs. In an extremely unpopular move, we anticipate Levitsky compensating by assigning expansive readings to his supporters.

Sir Alex Ferguson:

Slogan: “It’s squeaky-bum time”

Sir Alex Ferguson has been seen lecturing over at HBS from time to time. While we don’t know whether or not he can officially claim the University on the campaign trail, we do know one thing: He’s running. You would think the former Manchester United Manager’s Scottish birthplace would be a deterrent in his bid. However, as Waka Flocka has shown us, being able to check all the boxes is secondary to outlandish, unfounded proposals when it comes to requisites for the presidency. Ferguson opts not to center his campaign on his socialist political views, but rather on Trump-esque exceptionalism except with soccer instead of real estate. It goes without saying, who better to wield the bully pulpit than someone who bullied referees, the press and his own players for 27 years?