FM's Guide to the Quickest Burritos in the Square

Picture this: It’s 12:40 p.m. on a Tuesday, you have a class approaching fast at 1, and the dining hall just won’t cut it today. In fact, you have a very specific craving in your bones: burrito fever. But which store deserves your service? Luckily, FM is here to do your dirty work for you.

BOLOCO – 1:44:74

We decided to step up to the plate here, boldly sacrificing the usual Nutella milkshake, divine in its own right, for the sake of exemplary journalism. Rather than the assembly line one encounters at your Qdoba, Chipotle, or Felipe’s, Boloco adopts an innovative strategy involving the selection of ingredients up front. This allows the burristo to simply read the choices from a sheet of paper, crucially minimizing human interaction. Unfortunately, and perhaps our exquisite tastes were to blame, this did not help Boloco’s performance time.

QDOBA – 1:17:45

We’re going to be brutally honest here, because we know you expect the best. Qdoba’s female burristo, under a mask of unassuming charm and good–nature, possessed deadly efficiency with her hands. Or should we say weapons—weapons of mass burrito consumption. Witnessing this masterful performance hearkened me back to my stint on Ford’s assembly back in ’07—1907, that is. Henry Ford himself would have shed a tear at the ruthless efficiency displayed within this otherwise typical burrito store. Good job, Q.

TACO TRUCK – 1:27:16

A few extra minutes must be accounted for in your itinerary planning for the confusing time you invariably experience when you realize that you are, in fact, standing in what appears to be a store and not a truck–truly why some have referred to this establishment as the Atlantis of burrito stores. Other than that, Taco Truck follows Boloco’s model of choosing ingredients in the beginning, although performing 17 seconds (a whopping 16.2%) faster than Boloco.

CHIPOTLE – 1:01:05

Like a beacon in the night, it always welcomes you home. Never has an atmosphere of cold steel and concrete been so satisfying. Shuffling down the Chipotle food line is one of the most dependable burrito experiences the square has to offer. The only issue is rush hour, adding anywhere from two to ten minutes to your dining experience. Fortunately, it appears that the nearby Felipe’s location is taking a lot of business from this Old Faithful. So wrap me up like a burrito, baby, ’cause I’m overpriced, high quality, and only need a minute.

FELIPE'S – 1:22:38

We stepped into new Felipe’s with a heart full of wonder. Or rather, we tried to but were met with a line extending out the door. Although the taqueria only moved a hefty two blocks, the Harvard equivalent of Mordor, the crowds have followed. Even so, the BLUNT (Burrito Line Uncertainty Time) was an impressive 7:23:45. The key to Felipe’s is to know what you’re doing when you get to the counter. Always spring for the super burrito, and be ready for the lightning round of topping options. Godspeed.

In the end, is there a clear winner? Superior burrito speed in some restaurants was counteracted by long wait times. Maybe the moral here is that we’re all winners. Because, burritos.