FM Imagines: Breaking: New Gen Ed Categories Announced!

Faculty opinions have made it clear that our current Gen Ed system is in radical need of improvement to meet students’ intellectual needs in our complex, changing world. As per request, we have pared students’ non-concentration requirements down to only four Gen Ed varieties, often combining old categories that are similar enough if we don’t overthink it; plus, an expository writing course and the study of a foreign language.

“Read This To Say That You’ve Read It”

Hamlet. Paradise Lost. These books are just vital to the Western canon, and are considered to be books that “everyone” should have read at some point during college. Students can give a handful of literary classics a requisite check-off as they complete the “Read This To Say That You’ve Read It” Gen Ed requirement, which will consist of a speed-reading assignments and cultural-literacy-centric basic plot discussions for the (Western, white-guy-focused) canon of a student’s choosing. Offerings tailor to a number of different student interests, including Vaguely Sexist Very Old Plays and Myths, Vaguely Sexist Modern Theater, and We’re Getting Really Diverse by Including Books by Russian Guys Along With Ones by British Guys. We’re sure there will be books that are edifying, thought-provoking, inspiring, and maybe even healing to all varieties of students, given the assumption that their inner dialogues and personal concerns are generally similar to those of the guys writing books 200 years ago.

NOTE: “Dean Pfister: Selected Emails” DOES fulfill this requirement.

“I’m Gonna Push Back on That”

Essential to student understandings of the modern world in its nuanced diversity, each course in the “I’m Gonna Push Back on That” category provides ample time both in section and lecture for student discussion, letting arguments get heated without fear of informed and researched teacher commentary cutting in. “I’m Gonna Push Back on That” course options will introduce a variety of political and social issues, past and present, with a quick, cursory skim of nuanced details and a thorough, rigorous introduction to all the necessary relevant buzzwords, leaving plenty of time for class discussions facilitated by the loud, confident kids, who clearly must know more than anyone else in the room. Since many students have been struggling to adjust to Canvas course software, “I’m Gonna Push Back on That” response papers will be posted in the forms of Tumblr arguments.

“Token Class With a Lab Component”

We’ve all heard it before: a loud sigh, followed by, “I can’t, I have lab.” Fear not, student body! Even with the old Gen Ed system gone, there is still a requirement that makes sure that every student has to take a course with a lab component. Whether you enjoy spending time in sterile white rooms, like having a busy, full schedule that stresses you out, or want to “try a new thing” (and by that we mean partially watch your lab partner try a new thing while you covertly check Instagram under the table), “Token Class With a Lab Component” is sure to fill three hours of your evening once a week—I mean, meet your educational needs!

“Please, No Laptops In This Class”

For years, many professors have banned laptops in their lectures and sections in an effort to boost participation and hone focus. This also accords with studies that correlate “unplugged” time with improved mental health. We have no idea what the guy at the front of the lecture hall is talking about, but since there are absolutely NO laptops or phones allowed in any courses in this category, this is a guaranteed hour in which you don’t have to worry about finishing up that response paper, clicking “Hide From Timeline” on all those unflattering pics from formal on Facebook, or losing focus as you marvel at the person in front of you sending thirty emails and reading eight New York Times articles. More importantly, though, this requirement will (hopefully) never leave you feeling like you’re not being productive enough while literally doing what you’ve come to college to do: going to class. Take a deep breath… and maybe take real notes on paper?