Eight Alternative Summer Storage Options

Due to last year’s renovations of Stone Hall, Quincy residents can no longer store their belongings on campus over the summer. Don’t know where to keep your stuff? No need to fret. FM has you covered with these eight alternative options.

01 | The SOCH

Seemingly unused during the school year, and with plenty of space out in suburban Quad-land, this might just be the ideal place to keep your stuff for the summer. You don’t even have to worry about getting a lock because no one would bother to visit, apart from the social studies offices, which are secretly hiding on the ground floor. The only issue will be finding it/getting there/fitting everything on the Quad shuttle.

02 | Elmwood

University President Drew Faust’s stately mansion between Brattle and Mount Auburn streets is another compelling option for those of you who know what it is (for those who don’t, it has its own Wikipedia page). Situated on four spacious acres to the east of campus, Drew probably doesn’t have a lot of spare time for R and R at home, and she’s an empty nester too.

03 | Science Center Plaza

There’s been a lot of mixed reviews of the Science Center Plaza. Designed by a professor at the Graduate School of Design, the plaza seems to be the product of a lot of time spent turning a big, flat, open space into a flatter, whiter open space with funky benches. Admittedly, it has worked well for the skating rink and the food trucks, and there was that big tent there in the summer. But storage is clearly its true calling. While it may not have met our campus’s social needs, it can be a common space for all the shit we don’t wanna bring home this summer. Well done, Common Spaces Initiative!

04 | Annenberg

Why stop at being the world’s second-largest collection of secular stained glass? The largest collection of storage boxes sounds way sexier.

05 | Lamont

Things I think of when I think of Lamont Library: starting Ec10 problem sets, struggling to do Ec10 problem sets, having nightmares in which Mankiw chases me brandishing supply and demand graphs, and not finishing Ec10 problem sets. Things I think of when I think of summer: sunshine, happiness, green grass, fun, relaxation, tans, swimming, and Bud Light actually tasting good (well, at least not bad). Do you see how incompatible these things are? It’s the College’s duty to prevent students from spending any time in Lamont during summer, when they should be frolicking in the sunshine and capitalizing on the only appropriate use of Bud Light. An easy solution that fixes two problems at once? Filling the whole goddamn place with boxes.

06 | Canada

The second-largest country in the world by area has only the 37th largest population? While Quincy has run itself out of space, Canadians must have it by the acre up there. I wager we can overcome our preconceptions of the country as a nice hat resting on top of the powerful shape of the contiguous US of A, learn its capital, and store our stuff there, all in one summer.

07 | Nowhere

The corporeal body is the root of all unhappiness. In order to free our minds, we must free our boxes. In order to free our boxes, we must have nothing. Yeaaah, man. (Meditation, or other consciousness-mediation, may be required for this option. Keep us posted on how that goes for you.)

08 | At Wellesley

We can leave our things there instead of them forgetting their things here.