Quiz the Quizmaster: A Battle of Wits

Raynor J. Kuang ’17 knows more than you. As a member of the Harvard Quiz Bowl team, Kuang’s job is to remember trivia about every subject under the sun. In an act of astounding hubris, FM challenged Kuang to a 10-question round of Quiz Bowl in which we asked him 10 of life’s biggest questions. The following is a record of our heroic confrontation.

Question 1
FM: According to Theocritus [thee-AH-krih-tuss], this mythical character loved a nymph who threw apples at his flocks. He threw the boulder that crushed Acis, the river spirit that was loved by that nymph, Galatea. He was mocked by his neighbors after nobody hurt him; that “nobody”—

RJK: Ahh, so this is Polyphemus.

Verdict: It is Polyphemus. Point Quiz Bowl.

Quiz Bowl: 1 FM: 0

Question 2
FM: This next one is an actual Quiz Bowl question asked in a Harvard tournament a number of years ago:“This singer performs “Back in Time” over the end credits of Men in Black 3”—

RJK: So, that is Pitbull.

Verdict: Impressive and a little disturbing. Point Quiz Bowl.

Quiz Bowl: 2 FM: 0

Question 3
FM: What’s the heaviest thing you can lift?

RJK: How much do you weigh?

FM: 142 pounds.

RJK: Get over here.

Verdict: He lifted me as though I were as light as a feather. Point Quiz Bowl.

Quiz Bowl: 3 FM: 0

Question 4

FM: Which is swifter: a snake or a mongoose?

RJK: I don’t know, do we have a snake and a mongoose? You should work on that. The Crimson is falling behind the times. Without saying for sure, I’d have to say the mongoose. Because mongooses are pretty awesome.

Verdict: We looked it up. Whereas the fastest snake in the world (the black mamba) has a top speed of 12 m.p.h., the mongoose has a top recorded speed of 20 m.p.h. Point Quiz Bowl.

Quiz Bowl: 4 FM: 0

Question 5

FM: Mongooses or Mongeese?

RJK: A subject of great scientific debate. I fall on the Mongooses side.

Verdict: Dictionary.com falls on the Mongooses side as well. Point Quiz Bowl.

Quiz Bowl: 5 FM: 0

Question 6

FM: How much would it cost to buy your love?

RJK: Don’t you know, it doesn’t cost much. … I have no idea how that song goes actually, I’m sorry.

Verdict: We aren’t even sure what song he was talking about. Shameful. Point FM.

Quiz Bowl: 5 FM: 1

Question 7

FM: What was Sylvester Stallone’s first film credit?

RJK: Wasn’t it a porn film? It was a porno, wasn’t it?

Verdict: Stallone’s first film credit is the softcore pornography “The Party at Kitty and Stud’s.” Impressive and suspicious. Point Quiz Bowl.

Quiz Bowl: 6 FM: 1

Question 8

FM: Who the hell do you think you are?

RJK: Who the hell do you think you are?

Verdict: A clear tie.

Quiz Bowl: 6 FM: 1

Question 9

FM: What is my mother’s maiden name?

RJK: Joshua.

Verdict: Apparently this one was beyond Kuang’s intellectual capacity. Point FM.

Quiz Bowl: 6 FM: 2

Question 10

FM: What number am I thinking of right now?

RJK: Trick question. You’re not thinking of a number right now.

Verdict: Kuang’s right. I was thinking about Sylvester Stallone’s first film credit. Point Quiz Bowl.

Final Score—Quiz Bowl: 7 FM: 2