September
06 Freshman photographed by tourist for the first time, senior for the 1,092nd time
17 Everyone loves Faust’s appearance on Colbert, no one reads book
20 Freshman walks onto crew team
21 Freshman gives up, too hard
October
02 Senior convinced thesis will be “groundbreaking” and “important to the field”
25 Dhall party “not as well attended” as HoCo had hoped
28 Sex Week does not live up to name, freshman finds
31 Harvard adds another women’s center: The Bikeroom of The Porcellian
November
02 Students change profile pictures, travel to New Hampshire, take semesters off to work on Tara + Jen campaign
06 All Gov 1310 apologies found to have the same typo
08 Alcohol policy updated, administration remains uncool
11 Sophomore can’t decide on which concentration will best prepare him for inevitable investment banking career
17 Student caught with cup of beer at H-Y tailgate, high fived, then Ad Boarded
December
01 Entire entryway disappointed when pregnant tutor’s baby not as adorable as hoped
05 John Harvard statue joins Munch, has fetish for getting peed on
12 Primal Scream definitely the worst time to fall, freshman female prove
19 Baseball team successfully completes Greek Heroes
23 Harvard students take a Gov class, don’t cheat, everyone gets an A anyway
January
11 Senior begins to wonder if thesis may be in trouble
18 Student spends six weeks having meals cooked for her and sleeping late, thinks this is different from rest of school year
21 Food Literacy Project once again tries to prove that it’s a “real club” by hosting J-term events, Crimson Key doesn’t even try
February
03 Juniors actually get lunch after saying they will successfully catch-up and find out “how it’s going”
12 9 a.m. lecture class experiences record attendance when that suck-up in the front row brings a friend
20 Harvard calls critics of mental health services “crazy” and “totally insane”
March
03 Awkward silence in Af-Am 10 section lasts two minutes
12 Guy with shirt off taking IMs too seriously says everyone else involved
16 Veritones harmonize “Come on Get Higher” so fucking beautifully
20 Junior has “a fun time” at Harvard sports game, peers remain unconvinced
24 Students looking for unique Spring break trip end up in Montreal anyway
26 Senior can’t wait to be done with the piece of shit thesis she’s finally fucking turning in
April
02 Freshman male gets let into first party
05 Investigative report: DAPA water bottles not always being used responsibly
09 Junior realizes he will be wearing a bro tank to Yardfest, starts lifting, passes out before YardFest begins
11 One Folklore and Mythology concentrator not named PBK, kicked out of dept.
13 “Well, maybe next year,” College Events Board says of Yardfest
14 Junior has “a fun time” off-campus, peers remain skeptical
May
17 One graduating senior chooses not to go into finance, picks consulting, then reconsiders and joins Goldman
19 Seniors describe Harvard as “positive experience,” feel empty inside
June
27 Harvard’s expansion into Allston reminds Harvard that Allston is disgusting