Sex Workshop Discusses Consent and Negotiation

In a room in Sever Hall Monday night, cookies were passed around and tea was served—a low-key setting for the discussion of sex. For two hours, representatives from the Office of Sexual Assault Prevention and Response and Harvard College Munch—a kinky sex discussion group at the College—discussed the importance of consent and negotiation in relationships.

Although Munch helped facilitate the event, the workshop aimed to create a private low-pressure setting for attendees to discuss all relationships.

The presenters and audience members were granted anonymity by The Crimson to protect their privacy.

A key element of the workshop was the distinction between negotiation and consent. Negotiation differs from consent in that consent asks a partner for a yes or no approval, while negotiation is the establishment of certain limits and safewords. It is also a way to discuss what each partner wants in the sexual relationship.

One workshop leader said that consent is discussed broadly in reference to relationships, but that negotiation often stays within the realm of kink. In an attempt to broaden awareness about negotiation, discussion leaders said that the event’s organizers sought to create a curriculum for the night that incorporated not only consent but also negotiation.

“Negotiation is not just for kink,” said one leader. “It’s a way to open up communication and trust.”

The night’s topics covered the gamut of topics discussed in conventional Harvard workshops on sex. Attendees discussed verbal consent, sexual assault, and the importance of being able to say no. However, the discussion diverged from basic workshops like Sex Signals. Participants used role play to practice answering questions that ranged from “Can I give you a high five?” to “Will you tie my wrists to the headboard?”

Participants also discussed safewords, compromise, exploration, contracts, limits, and triggers. Limits were defined as soft—or adjustable—and hard—non-negotiable.

“Negotiation is non-binding,” one of the leaders reminded the audience. Another leader laughingly responded, “or binding,” while doodling a pair of cartoon handcuffs on a chalkboard to drive the point home.