Rant: Pockets
By my count, the clothes that I’m currently wearing have six pockets between them. Are any of them useful? Absolutely not.
In women’s clothes today, there is a distressing trend of aesthetic pockets rather than useful ones. Men’s clothes are positively riddled with pockets, with the exception of socks and underwear—because that would be weird. These pockets are wonderful, deep, capacious compartments which fit literally everything: phones, keys, wallets, small notepads, larger notepads, legal sized notepads, and an assortment of healthy snacks. My father is able to keep all of this in his pockets, plus a smaller jacket, which has even more pockets.
In contrast, I might be able to squeeze a slightly chewed piece of gum into the front pocket of my jeans. That is, if I didn’t mind the stickiness, which I do. Don’t even get me started on the back pockets. Theoretically, these are the pockets that are supposed to fit your phone and wallet. Dream big. Putting a phone in your back pocket is straight up asking for it to get flipped out into a toilet or a particularly sticky final club floor. The same risk is associated with women’s wallets—which incidentally are the size of baguettes (and go poorly with brie).
The impracticality of women’s pockets does not stop there. The chest pocket, the most frustrating pocket of them all, has absolutely no purpose other than to perch on top of our boobs and remind us that all of our pockets are useless. To be fair they do make nice finger warmers. But what do I have that fits in there besides my pinky? Nothing. What do I need to carry around? Everything.
It makes no sense that women, who, as romantic comedies have shown, carry around an inordinate amount of stuff, have pointless pockets, while men literally have small caves in their clothes for whatever phones, keys, and actual baguettes they happen to have.
The only solutions to this problem are buying bags, which are annoyingly expensive, or stashing items in your décolletage.And while this may be convenient, pulling your baguette out of your cleavage is not all that appetizing.