Five French Things that Should be #Banned

L'Académie française, a branch of the French government that aims to save the French language from bad, bad external cultures, has banned words like “blog” (no one was checking theirs often enough, perhaps), “supermodel,” and “hashtag.” It’s replaced hashtag with the word “mot-diese,” which, ironically enough, doesn’t even work as a hashtag. In response to these censorings, FM has compiled its own list of French things that should be #banned.

1. The Farewell GreetingsMixing it up when it comes to your goodbyes is a must, but au revoir should never be acceptable, not even online. Just say “see you next time,” or whisper softly “I love you” the next time your friend walks away.

2. Shaved Poodles Embarrassing for everyone involved: the owner, bystanders, the dog, and the razor.

3.  Handlebar Mustaches This mustache is an invitation to steer the owner around everywhere except in the Yard, where the Handlebar Mustache must be walked. Handlebars really should only be on bikes.

4. Smart CarsLike clown cars, but you can’t fit as many people in them.

5. SpeedosYou’re not swimming fast enough for people to not see your hideous bathing suit. Especially if you’re older than 25.