The Square According to Your Best Friend YELP

This weekend, plagued by Saturday-night indecision, Fifteen Minutes turned to Yelp for some advice on things to do in the Square. In these cases, however, the reviews exceeded reality. With the questionable wisdom of strangers in mind, FM would like to take a moment to highlight a few of Yelp’s rising star(rer)s.

Hong Kong

Reviewer: Jason B.

2 STARS

FM rating for Jason B.:

Creativity 4, Substance 1, Coherence 3

OONTS OONTS OONTS

This wretched hive of scum and villainy has not changed since you were in college. The kids are wearing different stupid clothes, and the bartenders are still surly in their dispensing of cheap booze in ceramic bowls.

OONTS OONTS OONTS

The dance floor is (WHAAT? CAN'T HEAR YOU)

OONTS OONTS OONTS

The dance floor is what you'd expect - lots of girls who want to dance in a circle around their purses, and creepy dudes trying to bust in on that action.

OONTS OONTS OONTS

Should you listen to the drunk girl that wants to come here at midnight?

OONTS OONTS OONTS

The Delphic Club

Reviewer: Meghan P.

5 STARS

FM rating for Meghan P.:

Panache 5, Substance 3, Accuracy TBD

Being the first to review the Delphic, makes me feel very special and nostalgic inside ;)...The Delphic Club is one of Harvard's final clubs. Kind of like a fraternity only unique to Harvard.... 

I enjoyed many fabulous days and nights at the Delphic Club during college. The members and guests always promised an amazing crowd and fun times. While the basement wasn't the cleanest of places, it was perfect for the games we played, the music we danced to, and the mess we sometimes made...Delphic Club, I will remember and love you forever!

Crema Cafe

Reviewer: Maria M.

5 STARS

FM Rating for Maria M.:

Creativity 0, Substance 2, Food Combination 0

I could eat the lamb sandwich here everyday of the week. And drink the hot chocolate. They don't quite go together, but they are both delicious so it's ok.

Harry Elkins Widener Memorial Library

Reviewer: Daniel M.

4 STARS

FM rating for Daniel M.:

Relevance 0, Substance 2

Can't speak to the library itself but when it's closed and the moon is out the steps are pretty nice to sit and people watch. Maybe do a little makin' out. Whatev.
Good times.

CVS Harvard Square

Reviewer: Scott S.

1 STAR

FM rating for Scott S.:

Prosody 4, Necessity 0

The checkouts are broken; employees are rude.

The pharmacists suck and have bad attitudes.

With unhonored sales and prices sky-high,

you'll wonder how CVS even survives.

When you need drugs, and sometimes we all do,

the pharmacy fails to release them to you.

Your medicine lost in a sea of white bags,

ne'er to be rescued; they cannot read tags.

You have a quick question, which salve is the best?

The employee stands straighter and puffs out his chest,

then ignores you completely and walks right on past.

I guess all that puffing was just pent-up gas.

A beverage, cold, to ward off the hot day,

is trapped in the fridge; there are staff in the way.

Ten minutes later, your drink is in hand.

you'll wait twenty more, though, before it gets scanned.

So your drink is now warm and you don't have your meds,

plus you paid twice as much as the circular said.

But despite all these losses, in one way you still win:

You'll know better than ever to come here again.