Pornitas: This Semester's Smutty Soirées

Looks like Sex Week isn’t the only Harvard event that’s coming soon. Inspired by real courses and campus events, FM channels its inner 13-year-old boy and invents what could be this semester’s smuttiest soirées. Fair warning: we have no idea what these events actually are, so they could be cool.

Mather CPR Course: Hear that, single people of Harvard? Save the blow-up dolls for grad school.

The House of Yes: How could you say no?

Premed Online Chat:

Biologista92: hey, i think ur in my chem20 section

Dr.69: yah, that class suxxx. cum help me with my anatomy class instead ;)

Biologista92: um don’t think so lol

Dr.69: why? wat did i say?

Dr.69: ;)… ;)…;)? winky face never fails

Biologista92 is offline.

Lone Gay Male: Is it still technically gay if it’s just you and your hand?

Moral Entanglements in Medical Research, Other Professions, and Everyday Life: Discussing the morality of your everyday life entanglements, you naughty person, you.

Adult Class: The Art of Botanical Drawing: Think Georgia O’Keefe was a vaginal visionary? There’s a whole world full of penis-shaped flowers just waiting to get brush-stroked.

“The Last Butch Standing”: Is the loser. Seriously, shouldn’t you be first one lying down?

Intuitive Eating Seminar: This could easily act as the opener for the Female Orgasm Seminar.

Male Same-Sex Intimacy and a Clergy Sex Scandal in 19th Century New England: If we’re lucky, this will draw inspiration from Tropic Thunder’s satirical movie trailer, “Satan’s Alley.” With erotic gems like dim candlelight and hand sex with rosary beads, you will be titillated (or something).

Unnatural Acts: Otherwise known as having sex in the Widener stacks.

Carving Out Tradition: Wood as Artistic Material: Phallic symbols, phallic symbols everywhere.

Head of the Charles: Do I even have to say it?