Sext Like You Mean It, Text Like You Know What It Means

It’s Friday night. You want to see your crush, but what do those winky faces and unanswered texts mean? Inspired by HeTexted, FM’s got your back... ;)

Dilem #1

You text girl: “heyyyy. what are u up to?” 45 minutes, no response.

What this could mean: She’s not into you, she’s watching “Clueless” with her friends, or both.

Do: If she does respond, prove you have an even more active social life by holding out one minute longer than she made you wait.

Don’t: Use the overindulgent “trailing letter.” Every extra “y” you add to the word “hey” makes you sound that much more desperate. Don’t butt text her “accidentally” or resend the same text in case she didn’t get it the first time. She did.

Dilem #2

Two hours before a date at Russell House, she texted: “hey, so we’re going to a Club, right?”

What this could mean: She’s a Harvard Hoochie, she thinks you’re in the Spee, or you’re her wingman for the night.

Do: Text her back. “Well, they call my room the Delphic for a reason.” Winky face optional. It’s a high-risk, high-reward move.

Don’t: Take her to the Delphic.

Dilem #3

You text guy: “boreddd”, “just chilling”, “Wish I had some Noch’s right now” Response: “cool”

What this could mean: He is passive-aggressive, he is not into you, or he is a boy who doesn’t get social cues.

Do: Two can play this game. Go for the ultimate in passive-agressive: “k.” Or text a hot guy friend and mupload a picture of you two getting pizza.

Don’t: Grovel, be generally pathetic.

Dilem #4

He texted: Five Emoji hearts You: Simultaneously thrilled and horrified

What this could mean: He’s in love with you, he’s drunk, or he’s been hacked.

Do: Use a standard “haha” (not: “hahahah”) to gauge his love/sobriety/possession of his own phone.

Don’t: Pour your heart out over text. Emojis should make anyone suspicious.