Rolling Reporter
“Hello Porn Lovers!” As the clock struck 12 last Friday and Saturday night, Boston’s “bi(ke)sexuals and bi(k)urious” flocked to the Brattle Theater for Bike Porn 4: Play. Reverend Phil Sano’s live performance and collection of short films showcased his commitment to “a transportationally-aware sex culture”—and lube. Rolling Reporter mingled with the Reverend, his disciples, and new converts. RR was even invited to make a cameo in the upcoming Bike Porn 5.
---
Adam C. Keller, Audience Member (In the background, two people shouting “Let’s get naked” and “Listen to the pantless girl.”).
RR: So is this your first time or are you a seasoned bi(ke)sexual?
AK: This is my first time.
RR: Do you have an affinity for other modes of transportation?
AK: I mean I get around however I can.
RR: Are cyclists better lovers?
AK: You know what? I should know the answer to that question, but I don’t.
RR: How old were you when you took your training wheels off?
AK: I don’t know, probably six or seven.
RR: And do you think there will be a Bike Porn 5?
AK: How many words do I get?
RR: I’ll give you as many words as you want.
AK: God, I hope so.
(AK embraces RR)
---
Sarah B. Engel and another bike enthusiast, Karen L.
RR: Any thoughts?
SE: Uh interesting .... We’re both bike riders, so we appreciate that part of it for sure.
RR: Do you think there’s anything particularly sexy about the bike?
KL: Yeah sure, everything about bikes is sexy.
SE: Yeah.
KL: I have the most gorgeous bike in the world.
SE: You do.
KL: I do have the most gorgeous bike in the world.
SE: My bike has a crush on it.
SE: We’re being recorded.
RR: Three words you would use to describe the movie?
KL: Hot Ass Bikes .... Those are my three words: Hot Ass Bikes.
---
Reverend Phil, the High Priest of bike sexuality and the creator of Bike Porn Play. Reverend Phil, in red briefs and a green v-neck, takes RR’s arm and walks around the theater.
RR: Do you have a middle initial?
RP: Sure
RR: What is it?
RP: G ... MONEY
RR: So what is it about the bike? Do you have an affinity for other modes of transportation?
RP: Well, sure, they are all pretty good. It just turns out that one is more efficient, more capable, nicer for negotiating and feeling ... and feeling ...
Bystander 1: Oh my God, so many feelings.
Bystander 2: And feeling and feeling.
RP to Bystander 1: I love your heart (grabs her chest).
Bystander 1: That’s not my heart
RP: Good to see you
RR: Do you typically recommend protective headgear?
RP: The thing is that for each application, there is a tool. If you were just riding your bike down your street, if you’re in your neighborhood, wouldn’t you like to live on a street where you don’t have to wrap your brain in plastic in order to survive? So, there’s a degree of living in the world that we want to live in. But you know, maybe you have to commute across a freeway, in which case, maybe you want to wear a bike helmet.
RR: Maybe then you want to wear a bike helmet.
RP: But, you know, to each his own.
RR: When did you take your training wheels off?
RP: (Laughs) I don’t know if I .... There’s a metaphorical answer to that question. I’m not sure I want to answer. When you believe you have stopped learning, you have failed to continue to grow.
RP: And if you were a bike part which part would you be?
RP: Well, let me think about what my role is. When I think about myself as a community, I think that I often bring a lot of tension. So I might be a big honking thing that you squeeze to make some noise.
RR: Any thoughts on Lance Armstrong?
RP: Shit is fast.
RR: How did Boston compare to other audiences?
RP: They seem into it. Or maybe it’s into them? It’s kind of a give and take. Recognizing when it’s “in” and when it’s “out” and when it’s “in” and when it’s “out” kind of gives you a degree of relative understanding that helps you to see how your body and your mode of transportation are interrelated and how they can ... get it on ... and get it off ... and get it on ... and get it off.
RR: And do you have a favorite bike joke or pick-up line?
RP: I talk about lube a lot. Bikes and sex are the peanut butter and chocolate of our generation—that’s pretty good.