Pop Screen: The Logic of "Loca"

Shakira’s newest music video, the English version of “Loca” featuring Dizzee Rascal, is the type that, if played at a gym, would make everyone doing sit-ups capitulate, go to Chipotle, order everything on the menu (to go) and then watch “True Life: I’m Obese” alone on a dirty futon.

Things begin cheerily enough, with Shakira on colorful roller skates in the midst of a complete fan-frenzy. She waves, laughing, probably thinking that they should be charged money to look at her. Of course, the next directorial decision is to have her writhing all over the beach with front row tickets to ab city. All of this is deftly mixed in with footage of Shakira dancing in the streets to the delight of onlookers armed with camera phones and stalkers wielding duct tape. When Dizzee Rascal hits the mic, Shakira is off in her own version of “The Motorcycle Diaries,” chauffeured by a tattooed man who would never be allowed to pick up children from day care. They ride away into an ambiguous sunset: the time changes so frequently throughout the video that you can’t tell—is it morning? Is a storm brewing? Is it time for Africa yet?

Then Shakira is in the air. “Bring it On” style. She’s flying into the splits and doing things with her legs that only Gumby dolls ought to do. Though her vertical jump probably is very high, my money is on a hidden trampoline in the sand. All of this madness concludes with Shakira submerging herself into the ocean in a manner much akin to Virginia Woolf’s final-act-wading-out-to-sea. It’s OK for our friend Shakira, though, because in the concluding seconds of the video she’s giggling away before probably shouting: “Aye not dead! Just loca!”