Top 5 Reasons I’m Writing My Vanity List Two Days After It Was Supposed To Have Been Written

There is a sacred tradition among Arts Chairs of picking up articles and writing them during production—a full 48 hours after a draft is supposed to be sent in. This is commonly referred to as “Pulling a Meehan.” I have tried to avoid this as much as possible this semester but for this issue several things have prevented me from being a responsible Crimson arts editor.

5. Writers’ block – As Arts Chair I was privy to all the incoming and outgoing associates ideas for Vanity Lists. Their brilliant ideas intimidated me and paralyzed me. For example, my fellow Arts Chair Antonia M.R. Peacocke, created memes for our associates. All of them were hilarious. I’m not very funny and this made me depressed. And as we all know, the best reaction to depression is cripplingly long periods of sleep.

4. Academics – The draft for my junior literature paper was due the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Thus I spent the proceeding three days not sleeping and working on it—by which I mean I spent about 24 hours in total browsing 9gag, /b/, and r/trees. The paper, by the way, was about the Joker—yes, from Batman—and literary theories of laughter with reference to works of Johan Huizinga, Henri Bergson, and Friedrich Nietzsche.

3. Resentment – It would make Antonia M.R. Peacocke too happy if I finally did something for the arts section on time. She has enough going for her, most notably her adorable dimples and her tight ass, for me to make her life easier by being punctual.

2. Magic the Gathering – Despite the fact that I’m widely known to be too cool for most things in life, I am actually secretly a huge basement neck-beard nerd. One of the things that betray this fact is that I am an avid MtG player. In fact I am currently considering becoming a professional player upon my graduation. Anyway, I spent a large portion of the weekend at my local game shop The Friendly Troll, watching a tournament and also working on a new deck. It’s a goblin artifact burn deck.

1. Unanticipated Adventures – I live blogged my attempt to return to Boston after Thanksgiving from Toronto on Facebook and it’s a long and convoluted story but I will retell it here. I missed my 6:50 p.m. flight because of the ridiculous line-up to get through customs. I attempted to get on the 8:25 p.m. flight but I couldn’t make it off the waitlist. Instead of being a normal human being and taking a flight in the morning, I decided to take the 9:15 p.m. to Newark, and take the New Jersey Transit at 11:15 p.m. to New York Penn Station, to take the midnight Greyhound bus to Boston. The Newark flight was delayed, and all that went to hell. I ended up spending 1 a.m. to 3:30 a.m. wandering 42nd Street, getting free coffee at Starbucks, and being asked by cabbies if I was going to Brooklyn—I was wearing flannel. I got back to my dorm room in the quad at 9 a.m. this morning but showed up to production anyway. Like a boss.

—Susie Y. Kim is an outgoing chair and incoming disruptor of Writers’ Meetings. She is really good at making excuses, and this is basically the only reason why she has survived her undergraduate education.