‘Just Cut Corners’

It was all because of a lost game of Kings. At least that’s how Vice Presidential Candidate Aneliese K. Palmer ’12 explains how she and running mate Ryan P. Halprin ’12 became the last-minute addition to the Undergraduate Council ballot.

“We were playing Kings Cup, and one of the cards was ‘the last two people to put their hands in the air have to run for UC.’ So Ryan and I were the lucky winners,” deadpans Palmer.

Despite some initial hesitation to run, Palmer says, “we have always had secret ambitions to become president of America—but we only want to be president if we can be president together.”

Of course, neither presidency nor co-presidency are likely in the cards for Halprin and Palmer, the latest in a long line of “joke” tickets for the UC presidency, particularly as the two seniors would be graduating halfway through their terms.

True to the “joke” candidate tradition, though, the presidential aspirants insist their campaign is no laughing matter.

In fact, if they’re elected, the two say they’ve already devised a solution to the graduation problem: When they leave Harvard, they’ll just dissolve the UC.

“If we’re elected, the UC can go on sabbatical when we take over, and then in the fall semester, everyone gets a break, because there will be no UC,” she says.

‘NO RULEZ,’ JUST FUN

In the café of the Science Center, it was almost as if both candidates had shown up to the interview. Interviewing Palmer with Halprin piping in via G-chat, the two candidates completed each other’s sentences, even though Halprin was across campus in lecture at the time.

Palmer says that she attributes this unique skill set to her deep connection with Halprin. “We can speak without using words,” she says. “We’re telekinetic, and that’s a really special element of our ticket that neither of the other tickets can bring.”

Palmer says she would be willing to challenge her opponents on this front. “If they think they are telekinetic, we challenge them to a battle,” she says.

Given this competitive edge and their busy schedules, Halprin and Palmer say that they do not plan to go to great lengths to win votes. However, “people are free to endorse us,” Palmer says.

Palmer says they hope to spend their $400 campaign allotment on a party recreating Harvard’s 375th anniversary celebration in October.

“We will have HUDS instead of a cake, and it will be mostly Ranger cookies, since that’s usually a Wednesday dessert,” she says. “And instead of Yo-Yo Ma, my roommate, Molly, will play the harp.”

Palmer also says she would like for the open bar to serve only Rubinoff and Franzia. “I have it on good authority that [University President] Drew Faust will slap the bag,” she claims.

Halprin-Palmer supporter Noah A. Hoch ’11 says that he is excited to attend the 375th party.

“It’ll be so good, you’ll be asking yourself, ‘375? More like 750 because this is twice as good as I thought it could be!,’” Hoch writes in an email.

Any remaining campaign money will be used to buy “pounds and pounds of mud,” according to Palmer.

Palmer says that their allocation of campaign funds attests to their skill at budgeting UC and Harvard money.

“Don’t cut jobs, or hot breakfast, just cut corners and leave it to us,” she says.

The Halprin-Palmer campaign platform is centered around their motto, “Senior Spring No Rulez Forever.”

Palmer referred to ancient mythology to explain how ‘spring’ symbolizes new birth to both Harvard and the UC “in this new era of democracy.”

The term ‘No Rulez,’ is meant as a critique of the UC’s constitution, and refers back to the pair’s belief that college affairs should be run in a hands-off manner, Palmer says.

Palmer says that while ‘forever’ is an ambitious timeline, “it is not how long we will be in charge of the UC, because we won’t be here, and neither will the UC.”

NEVER TOO LATE

Halprin and Palmer announced their candidacy on Nov. 2, two days after the official declaration deadline.

“It was like asking for an extension on a paper,” Palmer says. “We emailed our head TF—in this case the election committee—and told them our grandmother had died and that we wanted our paper, the campaign, to be the best it could be, and that we just needed one day.”

Due to their last minute entry into the Presidential race, Halprin and Palmer were penalized a day of campaigning. “Did the lost day hurt us? Probably,” Palmer says. “No, scratch that, nothing can hurt us.”

Halprin says he believes the delay may have helped their campaign. “The delay made people wait on the edge of their seats,” he says, as Palmer interjects, “It might have been planned, but we won’t disclose that information.”

The two met on the set of “On Harvard Time” in their freshman year, and, according to Halprin, “all relationships that start on the set of a film last forever and everyone knows that.”

Palmer credits her long relationship with Halprin as a source of strength in their campaign. “We’ve known each other since our freshman year, which is longer than any of the other candidates, since they haven’t been here for four years.”

Collin A. Jones ’12 and Pete D. Davis ’12, the humorous outsider ticket that gave Ebrahim-Cao a run for their money in the last UC election, have agreed to be campaign managers for Halprin and Palmer.

“The fact that they can do this their senior year, in the midst of the recruiting season and thesis-writing is really a testament to their commitment to the student body,” says Jones. “Although it would be impossible for any outsider to be as entertaining as the Jones-Davis ticket of 2010, the student body recognizes true talent and devotion.”

Hoch says he pledges his support to the Halprin-Palmer ticket because Halprin is a “man of hearty constitution, integrity, and efficiency,” he says.

Regardless of the results of the campaign, Palmer says she is confident of some votes. “My roommates are voting for me, so take that, Danny and Crystal.”