Top Five Rejected Cover Ideas For This Arts Issue

5. Buttons

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (Koumpounophobia: obscure phobia, hipster people.)

4. Blank Cover

Any attempts to promulgate artistic genius, individualism, or rationality in this cover would be inauthentic, and there is no ‘reality’ of the ‘contents’ of this issue. The front and back covers would also be flipped, forcing our readers to turn the issue upside down halfway through reading.

3. “Your Vanity List Here” Billboard

A picture of a vanity issue with a picture of a vanity issue on it, inside Mark A. VanMiddlesworth ’10-’11’s  vanity list from last year, inside a theater. Images within images are meta. VanMiddlesworth’s 2009 vanity list is an esoteric reference. Theaters are related to Arts.

2. Jeff and Ryan, naked, holding paintbrushes

Sex sells. Paintbrushes are related to Arts.

1. Sergeant Vanity’s Lonely Arts Club Harvard Gates

The Beatles: the only band that no one on Arts objects to. Harvard gates: the only known signifier for moving on to the next stage in one’s life.

—Sara Joe Wolansky is the outgoing Arts  Photography Exec and the incoming Photography Chair. She owns a camera necklace in which she has imprisoned a small Crumple-Horned Snorkack.