Paying for Love in Lowell

Last Thursday, the Lowell House Committee decided to shake up the campus dating scene and raise money for charity at the same time via a date auction in the dining hall. The crowd swelled to as many as 130 Lowellians who cheered and heckled, hooted and hollered, and felt free to take advantage of the open bar. The atmosphere was a little subdued as House members first entered the dining hall, but MC’s Sophie C. Sakellariadis ’11 and Ryan J. Solis ’11 quickly got the crowd going as they auctioned off single house members, House masters, tutors, and even a dog, all the while blasting Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. Most of the prospective bidders cited their friends and supporting Lowell as their reasons for attending, but some members saw the possibility of real love in the air.

“I’m here for some hot, hot man meat,” said Afoma C. Umeano ’13.

“Lowell residents are the most attractive people on campus,” Siena R. Leslie ’12 concurred.

Indeed, the people up for sale were not shy about showing the audience the goods they were offering. Three of the Lowell Belltower Boys stood bare-chested on stage and were rewarded with a $55 selling price—a package deal.

“My girlfriend doesn’t mind,” said Alex L.G. Hugon ’11, one of the Belltower Boys.

Michael K. Oberst ’12 revealed his silk Harvard boxers to the crowd’s delight and got $45 donated for his troubles, while Jacques, a House dog, advertised as “the only date who will sleep with you,” netted a $60 contribution. Proceeds were divided equally between Lowell’s HoCo and the Harvard Square Homeless Shelter. At the end of the night, audience members trickled out, some with their wallets a little lighter, but no one regretting putting their hearts on the line in the name of House spirit.