POPSCREEN: Britney Spears

You wander into a bedroom teeming with stoned yet attractive partygoers. Ah, there’s Britney, complete with strategically tousled hair and her post-comeback “It’s Britney, bitch” stare.

Fast forward through a lot of lacy lingerie and variations on aforementioned stare and Britney delivers a pun almost worthy of the “gracias” / “grassy ass” wisecracks we sported during recess in 5th grade: “If You Seek Amy” / “F-U-C-K Me.” Ladies and gentlemen, this is surely pop songwriting at its finest.

However she frames it – “gimme more,” “you’re toxic, I’m slipping under,” etc. – Britney wants some, and if she has to coordinate wiggling seductively, maintaining the trademark stare, and balancing on stilettos blooming with red roses to get some, so be it. I mean, after all, “all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy,” right?

Don’t worry if the wordplay is still taking a while to sink in, because Britney’s raunchy tutorial accommodates all tastes and learning styles: one pelvic thrust per beat in the chorus, repeated twice with Chippendale wannabes or curvy cheerleaders.

Now the music mellows out in a haze of white and you think, “Oh God, she’s getting married again?” But no, it’s just Britney the Stepford Wife, apple pie in hand, stepping out with her J.Crew catalogue cut-out husband and walking the paparazzi down memory lane with that endearing “Oops! I did it again” smile. Seconds anyone?

—Monica S. Liu