FICTION: Memento

There she sat. She sat one row in front of me and two columns away. She sat so well. She did everything well. I could stare at her all day. Wait…wait…here it comes…she smiled. She smiled! My 13-year-old eyes had never seen such magnificence before. It was the dawn of time. The dawn of my life. Or at least it felt like it. I began to see things in a different way. It was as if the universe shrank down into the size of a small classroom. My new universe included me and Katie, and my universe had no sense of time or place or anything like that. No longer was I in school in the middle of no where, South Dakota.... I…was somewhere else. The fact that the teacher was talking and I wasn’t listening to a word she said didn’t matter to me. School was for losers anyway, right?

“James.”

I looked at the teacher.

“I asked you to tell the class a little about the Louisiana Purchase.”

“Oh.”

I said something I remembered copying off of Lauren’s homework the other day. Apparently, it made the teacher happy. I was bound to be called on sometimes in class, because there were only eight of us in the class. I always had some crap ready to spit out. After I gave my spiel, I looked back at Katie. She was looking at me. I instantly darted my eyes downward. But they met…for that fraction of a second…they met. The Big Bang. In that fraction of a second, my universe erupted in fireworks, painting my vision with brilliant reds and purples. My week was made.



When school let out, I ran the mile back home. I would’ve skipped home this wonderful spring day, but if anyone else by chance saw me, I didn’t want them to think I was gay. The moment I got in my house, I dropped my backpack on the ground and I jumped on the couch to commence in my daily routine of watching TV. My favorite show was on when my Mom came in the door. She normally didn’t come back till at earliest six. Why was she here at three?

“How was your day at school?”

“OK. Why are you back early?”

She hesitated, and then said, “Oh, uh, there was some trouble at work.”

“Oh.”

I could sense that something wasn’t right with the way she was talking. We’d lived just the two of us since Dad left five years ago, and the way she was talking reminded me of that day five years ago. When I was sleeping, Dad and Mom got in the biggest fight they ever had. They never had loud fights. Tc The next morning, Dad was gone, and I could tell that he wasn’t coming back by the way Mom talked.

“Did you take a snack yet?

“No.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want some milk?”

“OK.”

The chatter on the TV was overshadowed by the volume of my Mom’s silence.

“Is there something wrong, Mom?”

“No, everything’s fine.”

Again, the silence was too powerful.

“I have to find a new job, that’s all.”

“Oh.”

We’d been having money problems since my Dad left. We were barely getting by until now.

“We’re gonna have to move back in with your grandmother in Washington.”

And like that, my universe imploded.



After my Mom lost her job, I had five more schooldays until we were supposed to move. That meant five more chances to see Katie. Five more chances to talk to her. I’d never before said more than “Hi,” to her. I once asked to borrow her eraser. It was so nerve-wracking. It was one of the most nerve-wracking things I’d ever done. But now, I had to make a move. I had to.

So on Monday, I told myself that on Tuesday I’d talk to her. On Tuesday, I told myself that on Wednesday I’d talk to her. On Wednesday, I told myself that on Thursday I’d talk to her. And on Thursday, I told myself that on Friday, for sure, I’d talk to her. And as fast as the beat of a heart, Friday was upon me.



The teacher was rambling on about the Native American’s Trail of Tears, when I was thinking that all I needed was some kind of a sign. Some heavenly sign that would give me the courage and fortitude to complete my mission. And then it came. I saw Katie look in my direction. If she actually looked directly at me, I have no idea, because I instantly sent my gaze to the floor. But she looked in my direction nonetheless. That was the sign I was looking for. The green light. I decided that right after class got out, I would go home a different way. I would go home the way she went home. Then, somehow I would talk to her. I would make my move.



Katie’s house was about half a mile away down Olden Road. I started down the path at a quick pace. I was maybe a hundred feet in front of Katie. I wanted to put some distance between me and Katie, so that it didn’t look like I was stalking her or something. Then, gradually, so very gradually, I slowed my pace so that Katie came closer. And closer. And closer. I could hear her footsteps on the dirt road. I didn’t dare turn around. I just slowed down a little.



Until finally, we were beside each other. Now was my chance. The chance I’d been waiting for since the womb. And what did I make of this chance? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I hadn’t thought that far as to what I would actually say to her. So I just walked. And walked. Until finally, God took pity on me:

“So where are you moving to?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Washington.”

“Oh, that’s neat.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

We walked on in silence for a bit.

“I don’t really want to move, but my Mom’s making me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That sucks.”

“It’s cause my Mom lost her job.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I moved a lot when I was younger cause of my parents.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. It’s hard making new friends at first and stuff, but eventually you feel like you’ve always been there.”

“I wish I didn’t have to move.”

“You’ll always have your memories of here. That’s what helped me move when I was younger. I had mementos of where I used to live. I collected rocks and stuff. I still have them.”

“I don’t have any mementos of here.”

“You should get some.”

We continued to walk for a while in silence.

“Let’s go down to the lake and I’ll help you get some.”

“OK.”



The lake was a shimmering blue as we approached. The lake was where us children came on those beautiful summer days to go swimming. Those were good memories.

About ten yards from the waterline, Katie spotted some good rocks. She collected a couple and I put them one by one into my backpack. We then walked along the lake and she picked up a few more rocks. All the while, I couldn’t take my eyes off of Katie as she examined each rock with the delicacy of an angel.

“Look at these. Look at how smooth they are here.”

She took my hand and guided it along the smooth underbelly of the rock. While my hand touched the rock, I did not even sense the smoothness of the rock. I only felt the warmth of Katie’s skin gently brushing against mine. I felt the signal that her body sent to mine via chills that started in my hand and went up my back to the nape of my neck. And then, I knew what I had to do. Before we left the lake, I had to kiss her.

“I think we’ve found enough rocks for you.”

“Thanks. Do you wanna sit down for a bit?”

“OK.”

We sat down on a flat patch of grass. She lied down and looked up at the sky. So I did too.

“What are you going to miss most about here?”

“I don’t know.”

I looked over at Katie, and I could see the sunlight gleaming on the side of her face. I wanted to reach out and stroke the side of her face with the back of my hand. And then, it was as if something had taken over my mind, and I was no longer in the driver’s seat. Every muscle inside my body wanted to roll over and kiss her. Every bone inside my body. Every cell in my body had the same idea.

“The clouds are beautiful today, aren’t they?”

“Yeah.”

I began to rollover.

“That one looks like some type of whale or dolphin.”

My body rotated slowly so as not to disturb her cloud-gazing. I elevated myself with one elbow, and I looked deep into Katie’s shimmering brown eyes. She continued to look at the clouds.

“That one looks like a car.”

And then, something inside of me went wrong, and I halted. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. I had waited so long to get to this point – this point that I had dreamed about for the longest time. I’d never have another chance like this one.

“That’s what I think I’d miss most about here if I was moving – the clouds. We have the most beautiful clouds here.”

And then, she looked at me. Directly at me. Our eyes again met and my universe exploded. Without thinking, without the slightest bit of hesitation, I found my head leaning towards hers. I found my eyes closing. I found my lips reaching out towards hers. I found our two heads coming closer, closer, closer.

Like a jolt of electricity coursing through my body, our lips met. As she kissed me back, all thoughts of the rest of the world vanished. No longer was my Mom out of work. No longer did I have only one parent. No longer was I moving away. For those few seconds of time, my universe was complete.



That Sunday, my Mom and I moved to Washington. I kept every single rock Katie had found for me, and I kept them in a special box inside my closet. But my favorite memento, well that, I kept somewhere else.