The 15 Positions Obama Forgot

Obama’s administration is filling up with Harvard graduates and professors, but a few lesser-known spots still remain. Here are FM’s suggestions for some other Harvard characters to fill those often-overlooked but equally important jobs.



1. Lena Chen ’09-’10—Official babysitter of Malia and Sasha.

2. Peter C. Shields ’09, ‘Petros’—Glitter assistant for all public appearances. Don’t think for a second that body glow occurs naturally.

3. Reverend Peter J. Gomes—Personal religious counsel. Things weren’t working out with Jeremiah Wright.

4. Marcyliena Morgan—White House D.J.

5. Michael Sandel—Mediator in all family disputes/couples counselor. Because, really, what is fairness anyway?

6. Jeremy S. Lin ’10—Obama’s personal basketball trainer. Dunking on Michelle gets old after a while.

7. Steven Pinker—Hairdresser.

8. Derek M. Flanzraich ’10 —Court jester. Hosts the official Obama Family YouTube videos.

9. N. Gregory Mankiw—Obama’s charisma/public appearances coach.

10. Matthew M. Di Pasquale ’09—Photographer. Hoped to publish a monthly family newsletter, but everyone keeps claiming to be “too busy” or “too creeped out” to actually sit down for an interview.

11. Matthew L. Sundquist ’09—Name-remember-er. Whispers them into Obama’s ear at important functions, but resorts to calling everyone “dude” if he forgets.

12. Michael C. Koenigs ’09—Manager of the Obama YouTube channel. Trying to find a replacement for Flanzraich.

13. Drew Gilpin Faust—Family historian/scrapbook maker.

14. College Events Board—Party planning committee. Malia and Sasha better be fans of Gavin.

15. Domna—You think the White House doesn’t need a card swiper?