One Campaign Seeks To ‘Go Deep’

Robert G.B. Long ’11 and David R. Johnson ’11 have been dreaming of taking the helm of the Undergraduate Council to steer it towards a brighter future—for all of two weeks.

“We got the sense that the student body was dissatisfied, and only a combination of Long-Johnson could please it,” said Long, UC presidential candidate, in an interview with The Crimson on Friday.

Describing the current UC as “masturbatory,” an arena where “would-be Senators can grand stand,” Long alluded to the two central foundations of the campaign: an expression of humor on a campus criticized for its sober, pre-professional seriousness, and also a genuine—albeit satirical—critique of the student government’s shortcomings.

Last Monday, Long and Johnson—roommates and social studies concentrators—kicked off the campaign season with their enthusiastic cadre of thirteen staffers. The group has certainly aroused interest on campus with their none-too-thinly veiled, innuendo-heavy slogans, entertaining Web presence, and unconventional campaign tactics.

“This is the most serious thing I’ve ever done,” Long said. “It’s the most serious thing Harvard students will see at their time here.”

SEXUAL HEALING?

Current UC President Andrea R. Flores ’10 said she disagreed with the ticket’s claims at seriousness, characterizing the pair as a “very friendly joke ticket” that—unlike some outsider tickets in the past—has not used its platform simply as a sounding board for hostility or belligerence towards the UC.

As seen in past UC elections, a variety of reasons motivate joke tickets to run, despite slim chances of victory, according to Flores. She speculated that Long and Johnson may have been compelled to run in light of their close friendship with UC vice-presidential contender Eric N. Hysen ’11, who lives in an adjacent suite in Mather.

Flores said she has “no sense” of the pair’s actual plans if elected, adding that she thinks they are “enjoying the public attention from their name formation.”

But Long failed to acknowledge the phallic reference latent in the ticket’s name. The only pun that could possibly lie in the name’s reading, he said, is “long johns [underwear] on.” On that note, the pair took off their pants during a recent On Harvard Time interview to proudly showcase their tight undergarments.

“I can see it,” Long said. “Long underwear is funny. But if people want to joke about long johns, they can do it on their own time.”

Humor is undoubtedly a defining element of the ticket. The home page of the campaign’s Web site features Long and Johnson’s faces superimposed over the bodies of UC presidential candidate Johnny F. Bowman ’11 and partner Hysen—but Long denied any connection, calling the similarities “eerie.”

The campaign’s three policy planks are “Liberating the Student Body,” ”Penetrating the Real Issues,” and “Going Deep Inside Budget Cuts.” Long said that the ticket’s two priorities are “Revolution and then J-Term,” the latter bolstered by proposals such as sponsorship of student- and faculty-initiated “mini-courses” and promotion of expanded housing opportunities for arts groups.

Upon receiving a mandate by the UC, Long and Johnson added a disclaimer to the platform page of their site, warning readers that a significant portion of their proposals are a “derivative” of Bowman and Hysen’s platform, and that Long and Johnson “believe our use of it to be fair as parody.”

According to the pair’s site, the Harvard Chess Club and the Harvard Armenian Society have declined to extend their endorsements. These same two groups are listed under a section named, “Groups we will abolish, if elected.”

A JOKE GONE TOO FAR?

The Long-Johnson ticket may not exactly cater to individuals desiring serious UC leadership, but many undergraduates said they embrace the light-heartedness and quirky enthusiasm that the pair offers to this year’s election season.

“I think they have a lot of heart and passion,” said Matthew G. Yung ’13, as he passed by a campaign rally outside the Science Center. “In terms of substance—well, it’s the UC. [But] if you have heart, you have my respect.”

Luke L. Sperduto ’11, friend and supporter of the ticket, also lauded the campaign’s energy and comedic value.

“I like the sentiment,” Sperduto said, standing in front of an eight-foot long sign of the ticket’s name. “I think that the UC takes itself way too seriously.”

While the jokes may have amused many students, the blatant sexual innuendos have turned off some voters. A member of the Radcliffe Union of Students—a feminist group on campus—expressed her concerns over the RUS e-mail list regarding the campaign’s use of the phrase “Long-Johnson never takes no for an answer.”

The individual, who requested to remain unidentified to avoid controversey, had been offended by the phrase’s implications of sexual assault or sex without consent, according to RUS President Diane J. Choi ’10. Long promptly apologized on behalf of the ticket for any possible offense, stating that the slogan “wasn’t supposed to sound like it’s about rape.”

Choi said that RUS’ concern focused on that one statement and that the group was not offended by the campaign’s other suggestive slogans, including, “Change is hard...so hard” or “Long-Johnson: It’s in your hands!”

“With humor, you often walk a fine line between being offensive and being funny,” Choi said. “But when you know that something is not serious, you give it more leeway than if you know they are actually serious about what they are saying.”

SOME HINTS OF LEGITIMACY

Although many students on campus view the Long-Johnson pair as a “joke ticket,” the candidates said they were serious about their efforts and offered a firm critique of the UC’s efficacy.

On Tuesday, campaign manager Michael J. Pankratz ’11 released a statement criticizing a recent Crimson article stating that the ticket was “taking the race less seriously.” Though Pankratz—a Crimson editor—recognized the “unorthodox” strategies of the campaign, he defended them as integral to distinguishing Long-Johnson from the other tickets.

Pankratz said that the campaign decided not to participate in the presidential debates—which some feel would have increased the ticket’s credibility—as a deliberate effort to highlight the forum’s failure to stimulate original dialogue and to showcase differences amongst the tickets.

In interviews with The Crimson, the campaign’s staffers said that the UC needs to prioritize realistic goals—a recognition that serves as a key difference between Long-Johnson and the other campaigns. Campaign members said they view the election as an opportunity to change students’ perception of the UC on campus and thereby increase its popularity and effectiveness.

And presentation can make all the difference, it seems. On Friday afternoon, Long called Johnson to organize their campaign efforts outside the Science Center, and his order was quick.

“Do you want to come at two and rally the people?” Long asked. “Do you have your shirt? Good. Don’t spill anything on it.”