15 Club Fights

With over 350 diverse student organizations on campus, it is only natural for certain rivalries to exist. The Harvard Republican Club and the Harvard College Democrats may have the most obvious battles (including a paintball fight every year), but they’re certainly not the only two clubs with beef.

1) The Catholic Student Association vs. the Chinese Students Association. The CSAs are tired of people confusing their events—that wine is not to celebrate Chinese New Year. And it’s not cheap.

2) The Harvard Advocate vs. The Harvard-Radcliffe Science Fiction Association. For a publication whose logo is a winged-horse, the Advocate contains far too little magic and far too few spaceships.

3) Harvard-Radcliffe Society for Creative Anachronism vs. Current Magazine. What’s so special about the present? The 16th century was fun enough.

4) Committee on Deaf Awareness vs. Harvard Radcliffe Orchestra. If you can’t perform Beethoven’s 9th with sign language, don’t do it at all.

5) Helping Hand and Heart vs. Harvard Emergency Medical Services Program. The Medical Services Program is tired of helping neglected legs and lungs.

6) Harvard College Pre-Dental Society vs. Harvard College Culinary Society...On second thought, the dentists probably appreciate the cavities.

7) Society for Creativity and Innovation at Harvard College vs. Hyperion Shakespeare Company. Some new material would be nice.

8) Dunster House vs. Dunster House Opera Society. Find somewhere else to make high-pitched noises.

9) Harvard College Free Culture vs. Harvard College Economics Association. Mankiw says there’s no such thing as free lunch...or is there?

10) The Alaska Klub vs. Linguistics Group. Kuteness is no exkuse.

11) Winthrop House vs. Housing Opportunities Program. Apparently some people don’t deserve an opportunity for good housing.

12) Harvard College Alliance for Rock and Roll vs. Harvard College American Music Association. Why isn’t Meatloaf American enough to be celebrated?

13) Harvard College Spoken Word Society vs. Corcairdhearg. Good thing it’s about Irish dance, because it certainly cannot be spoken.

14) Born in USSR vs. The Harvard Salient. Anyone associated with communism is a prime target for witty banter and biting rhetoric.

15) Harvard Taekwando vs. Harvard Wushu Club. This would actually just be an awesome fight.

— Charleton A. Lamb