Revenge of the Chips

Not so long ago, in a galaxy not so far away, the Evil Empire, known to some as Qdoba, opened shop on the corner of Linden Street and Massachusetts Avenue. This “fresh-Mex” franchise stepped into a market where local spots such as Felipe’s and Pinocchio’s have long been dominant.

The Empire certainly has one thing going for it, though: location. Though I vowed never to step foot on its premises, its audacious white sign and large glass windows tempted me every time I walked to and from class. Just one bite, it beckoned.

Eventually, I succumbed to the power of the Dark Side. Much as someone craving a hearty steak is forced to settle for the crap that HUDS serves up, I—primed by the beautiful memories of fresh-Mex food produced by a certain Denver-based restaurant chain—forced myself to down the flavorless cardboard that Qdoba passes off as burritos.

After my first visit to the Empire’s Harvard outpost, I sped back to my computer to determine how I could regain the power of the Force. After nearly an hour of searching, I found the promise of deliverance on an Internet message board.

Chipotle would be opening its doors in the Square.

On that day, a fellow Chipotle lover assured the dissatisfied crowds that the burrito kings would be coming to Cambridge in December of 2007—leaving me with several months of gustatory heaven before graduation. The location wouldn’t be as great as Qdoba’s—Chipotle would replace the site Eastern Mountain Sports had vacated in Brattle Square—but even a trek to the end of the rainbow is nothing when a pot of delicious black beans is waiting on the other side.

So I’ve waited eagerly, reminding myself every time I consumed the bland guacamole or the spice-less salsa of Qdoba that my pain would soon be over; the Jedi of Chipotle would rescue me from Darth Insipid.

But Yoda’s gang hasn’t trumped the Empire quite yet.

As the winter approached, Chipotle kept pushing back its opening. After the pledge of opening in early December, Chipotle delayed until January, then February. “Okay,” I thought. “At least I’ll have my veggie fajita burritos for all of second semester.” Wrong. It would now be at least March before the eatery responded to the Empire striking back.

What had I done wrong? Was this torturous withholding part of my Jedi training? Or was I being punished for sinking my teeth into the forbidden fare at Qdoba?

On one glorious day a few weeks ago, I learned that salvation would soon be here. I was invited to a Facebook event: “FREE BURRITO DAY: Another Big Day for Chipotle in New England.” On March 6, the wait would finally be over. I wrote the date down in my planner, circled it vigorously, and told all my friends. I started dreaming of camping out all night and placing my order. Yes, I’ll have some extra guacamole. Free soda? Why, thank you!

But again the power of the Force seemed to fade. For some reason, the rescue mission was delayed another week. According to the Facebook event, Free Burrito Day will now be March 12, with Chipotle officially opening its Harvard Square doors the following day.

To that news, I have only this to say: Chipotle, my master, please don’t tarry any longer. I swear I will never again glance at any other burrito chain, especially not Qdoba. My wallet is yours—just let me in those doors!

Karan Lodha ’08, a Crimson sports editor, is a government concentrator in Lowell House.