The 10 Best Ways to GetIntoHarvard.net, Guaranteed!

While it may cost $50,000 to actually attend Harvard, it now only takes $27 to get in. Daniel Wallace ’08 wrote the GetIntoHarvard.net guide so that, according to the Web site, “the underdog with no connections to Harvard could get the edge they so desperately need to compete in the admissions game.” But if you can’t find yourself on his list of “10 types of people who get into Harvard,” fear not, apprehensive applicants! Based on extensive research of campus demographics, FM came up with a list of its own:

1) Basketball recruits—540 on the Math SAT? No problem!

2) Dog psychiatrists—We hear Faust is looking for a second opinion on Clio’s anxiety disorder.

3) Disk jockeys—DJ Shiftee will be moving on to bigger and better dance parties after graduation, so we will need someone to keep pumpin’ up the jamz.

4) Fire-eaters—C’mon, who doesn’t want a freshman roommate who swallows flaming knives on a regular basis?

5) World-savers—If you once prevented panthers from devouring an Indian village by fighting off the cats with your bare hands, you have a fighting chance of getting in.

6) Budding Hugh Hefners—A college can never have too many porn mags...third time’s the charm?

7) “Anonymous” gossip bloggers—You don’t even have to get your facts straight!

8) Future billionaires—Got an idea for the next Facebook or Microsoft? Come to Harvard! (At least for a year or two).

9) Future Unabombers—Harvard promotes diversity; not everyone can be a handsome i-banker-in-training.

10) Folklore and Mythology concentrators—There’s a huge demand for Roman mythology experts in today’s job market.

If you still don’t see your personality type on our comprehensive list, don’t fret—we hear there are still some spots at Yale.