Hate It: Dating

I would say I hate the Harvard dating scene, but I’m as skeptical that it actually exists as I am that Tom Cruise’s spawn is a real baby. Suri my ass.

Some of you probably disagree with this. “I am in a happy relationship,” you say, feeling smugly superior. You send your significant other a teddy bear on Facebook to show just how wrong I am.

You are a married, by far the most annoying and the most frequent couple to populate this campus. Like you, couple that never leaves the Eliot d-hall—the laptops in front of you do not hide your really awkward PDA. I get it, marrieds. You have found your soulmate, the ying to your yang, the Tom to your robot Katie. Marrieds feel the need to always demonstrate how happy they are. They must be stopped.

Besides the marrieds, there are the randos: the freshmen staggering home the morning after Debauchery, feeling very badass, and the upperclassmen coming back from their sort-of-friends-with-benefits-awkward-really-unclear-situation, feeling disillusioned, but probably still a little badass.

Is there an in-between? Is my hatred of marrieds too excessive? Will the time I spend on celebrity gossip sites ever help me out in life?

The answer to all these questions, sadly, is no.