What I Really Learned From Reality Television

5. “Beauty and the Geek”

Being a student at Harvard automatically entitles me to a makeover, inept social skills, and a shot at a hot blonde! This could be the highlight of being an undergrad.



4. “Survivor”

Don’t be a leader—people will hate you. Don’t be a floater—people will doubt you. Don’t lose. Don’t eat meals consisting solely of coconuts. Never express dissatisfaction or a desire to go home, even when extremely ill from only eating coconuts. Don’t be strong, but don’t be weak. I have no idea how people win this game.



3. “Top Chef”

When all you have available is the bountiful harvest of Brain Break, don’t watch a show about people making food. Pretzel crumbs and leftover grill orders seem really inadequate compared to Real Food.



2. “Project Runway”

While reading Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road,” I more than once imagined evening gowns constructed from spare pipe, empty canned food containers, and shopping cart parts. In other words, this show bestows upon you an amazingly overactive utilitarian mentality. Also, avant-garde—that is all.



1. “The Amazing Race”

Geography and stereotypes—one is dangerously ignored in standard education curricula, and the other is a little too reinforced on the show. One day I hope to be one-half of Happy Couple. (Also, never, ever be the only team on an airplane flight. Ever.)



—Denise J. Xu is an incoming Campus Arts Editor. She’s almost definitely the next Ryan Seacrest. Or Jeff Probst.