Top Five Disney Lovers and Their Lies

In 2009, we will usher in a new era of American history. Not only will there be a black President in office, but Walt Disney will feature its first black princess in the film “The Princess and the Frog.” But before these weavers of false hope can convince us of a happily-ever-after between an African-American and an amphibian, we should call to mind a few of Disney’s past lovers and their lies.



5. Simba and Nala—Some of the greatest romances come to fruition over a song and a passionate lip-lock. But lions can neither sing nor kiss! Nice try, Disney, but you can’t pull the fur over these eyes, and I felt no love tonight.



4. Bambi and Faline—As Bambi watches over Faline and their fawns at the end of this childhood classic, Disney would have you believe that he’s reflecting on his future as a loving father to many. But the truth is, deer are polygamous and bucks will copulate with as many different females as they can get their sleazy hooves on. Who knows how many other little Bambis that cervine cheater had running around?



3. Pocahontas and John Smith—Sorry, but the exploitation of one’s family and land does not a strong relationship make.



2. Ariel and Eric—I’ve heard that one shouldn’t have to change for the one she loves. Why choose a man who makes you give up the ability to breathe underwater? There are plenty of other fish in the sea.



1. Snow White and Prince Charming—Remember that song “Someday My Prince Will Come”? Well, here’s the truth: if you’re just going to lie down and take it like Snow White did, he may come, but that doesn’t mean he’s in love.



—Beryl C. D. Lipton is an outgoing Campus Arts Editor and an incoming Arts Chair. She wants you to know that Beryl is short for CareBear-yl.