'They're the Best Dolls Ever!'

In Hollywood, the latest fashion trend continues to be baby bumps as more and more starlets trade in their haute coutour for stretch pants. Everyone from J. Lo (twins!) to Nicole Kidman is preggers, including Halle Berry, Pamela Anderson and Nancy Kerrigan. People magazine is starting to sport more pregnant women than Maternity Monthly.

But one pregnancy in particular has ignited a media frenzy, even winning more coverage than that war in Iran or whatever. Famed megastar Tracey Gold, who ascended to superstardom on hit-TV show Growing Pains…it was a show on ABC Family back in the 80’s, you know with the Seaver family and the cool opening sequence. No? Leonardo DiCaprio was on it for a little. Still nothing? Well, Britney Spears’ little sister is pregnant by some “older man” too, but no one has really paid much attention to that.

Still on the subject of babies, Nicole Richie recently gave birth to her first bundle of joy, Harlow Winter Kate Madden. Her baby daddy, Good Charlotte’s Joel Madden is currently hard at work promoting his new album, probably to raise money for the extensive therapy little Harlow is going to need after she watches a few episodes of The Simple Life.

Nicole’s delivery was quickly overshadowed by news of Christina Aguilera’s new baby boy, Max Liron Bratman, born at the very same hospital a few hours after Harlow. And speaking of hospitals, Britney Spears ended up there after holding her son hostage when KFed’s people came to pick him up (read: rescue him) from Mom. She has recently been seen cavorting with her paparazzi boyfriend in Mexico and has apparently gone completely bananas. Gossip columnists everywhere are reportedly irked by Spears’ behavior, saying “Come on, Brit, you are just making it too easy.”

In news sure to break the hearts of adolescent males everywhere, porn legend Jenna Jameson announced that she would be retiring from the porn business, saying at the annual adult video awards (think: Oscars of porn) that she would “never ever spread my legs again” in a porn movie. Though a devastating loss for the silver screen, Jenna is sure be remembered for her unforgettable performances in such cinematic classics as “Up and Cummers 10” and “Dirty Bob’s Xcellent Adventures 35.”

Also, the Golden Globes were officially canceled this year due to the ongoing writers’ strike. Both regular viewers are outraged.