Big List, Small Country

It’s the richest country in the world, its flag is red, white, and, blue, and its population has a life expectancy of 79 years.

Nope, it’s not the good ol’ U.S. of A. It’s Luxembourg. And it’s my motherland—in a non-Communist sort of way. Home to all of 480,222 people, this landlocked European wonder eludes the consciousness of the average American. So, in the great Harvardian spirit of enlightenment, here are 50 things you didn’t know about Luxembourg.

50. Luxembourg is a real country, even if Facebook groups don’t think so.

49. Luxembourg is just 999 square miles, “slightly smaller than Rhode Island.” (Thanks, CIA World Factbook.)

48. No, it’s not the smallest country in the world. That honor belongs to Vatican City, which is somehow both a city and a country. Yeah, the Pope is kind of a big deal.

47. The Schengen Agreement, allowing easier travel between many European states, is named after the Luxembourgish village of Schengen, which has a chart-topping population of 425.

46. Yes, it’s Luxembourgish, not Luxembourgian.

45. Yes, I’m a Luxembourger.

44. No, I wouldn’t like fries with that.

43. Luxembourg is bordered by Belgium, France, and Germany.

42. The Moselle River flows through all four of those countries.

41. That is not to be confused with Mousel, which is one of Luxembourg’s premier breweries.

40. Bofferding, Luxembourg’s other “famous” beer, has ads that put Budweiser to shame.

39. Luxembourg is the only Grand Duchy in the world.

38. I have better dirt on the royal princes of Luxembourg than Stephen Frears and Helen Mirren had on Lizzie.

37. Luxembourg has three official languages: French, German, and Luxembourgish.

36. Yes, Luxembourgish is a real language. Even if my blockmates don’t think so.

35. If you’re ever in Luxembourg and can’t find anyone that speaks English, just say, “Mäin Loftkësseboot ass voller Éilen!”

34. Don’t be surprised when you get a confused stare. What else do you expect when your hovercraft is full of eels?

33. Luxembourg was a founding member of the United Nations in 1945, NATO in 1949, and the European Economic Community (now the European Union) in 1957.

34. Luxembourg is home to the European Court of Justice, the highest court in the European Union.

33. There are a lot of banks in Luxembourg.

32. There is a lot of money in Luxembourg.

31. With a per capita GDP of $71,400, Luxembourg is always that outlier in Stats 104.

30. There is a lot of golf in Luxembourg.

29. With so few people in the country, there is plenty of space for expansive golf courses.

28. Luxembourg does pretty badly at the Olympics.

27. At the 2006 Winter Games in Turin, Luxembourg picked up a grand total of zero medals.

26. Robby Ginepri, the supposedly American tennis player, is actually half-Luxembourgish.

25. Luxembourger Kim Kirchen finished seventh at this year’s Tour de France—without steroids. Take that, Floyd Landis!

24. When it comes to sports, we Luxembourgers take what we can get.

23. Luxembourg’s military expenditures are about 0.9 percent of its GDP.

22. No, Luxembourg was not part of the Coalition of the Willing.

21. No, Luxembourg did not forget Poland.

20. Luxembourg has been invaded… a lot.

19. No, it was Liechtenstein that Switzerland accidentally invaded, not Luxembourg. (See fact No. 43.)

18. After helping free Luxembourg during World War II, General George S. Patton was buried at the Luxembourg American Cemetery and Memorial.

17. Patton is virtually a national hero, with streets named after him in almost every town in Luxembourg.

16. Luxembourg has the sweetest babes.

15. Luxembourg is very international, with a large portion of the working population commuting into the country daily.

14. Luxembourg has Swedish babes.

13. The capital of Luxembourg is Luxembourg.

12. Yes, Luxembourg is a country, not a city in Virginia. (See fact No. 48.)

11. There is, however, a township named Luxembourg Township in Stearns County, Minnesota.

10. Okay, okay, Luxembourg is also a street in several American states. According to Google Maps, anyway.

9. Luxembourg’s national motto is, “We want to remain what we are.”

8. I don’t think Luxembourgers know what that really means, either.

7. I got hoes… in area code 352.

6. Luxembourg is divided into 116 communes. That’s like taking the last piece of pie from the fat kid and splitting it 116 ways.

5. Luxembourg has an obesity rate of 18.4 percent, just slightly behind the United States at 30.6 percent.

4. Luxembourg is one of the Low Countries, but it doesn’t have the windmills. Or the tulips.

3. Luxembourg is 87 percent Roman Catholic. Yeah, sort of like the Vatican City.

2. There are an estimated 5,000 illegal immigrants in Luxembourg. And you thought California had problems.

1. When the country roads take me home, mountain momma will be waiting for me in Luxembourg.

—Karan Lodha is a Government concentrator in Lowell House. He actually only knows 51 things about Luxembourg.