Out with Park Place, in with Pusey

With Reading Period in full swing, now’s your chance to nab that prime studying location in the labyrinth known as Lamont Library.

Farnsworth Room, Fifth Floor. Lamont’s own final club replete with leather chairs, dim-lighting, and butlers. As if computers were only for the plebes, the Farnsworth Room is a self-declared “laptop-free zone,” but that doesn’t mean cigars and velvet smoking jackets aren’t allowed (in fact, they’re preferred). Every December, the Farnsworth Room declares an Earl and Duchess of Farnsworth, who are responsible for the upkeep of the room’s coffers and for all future coronation ceremonies. Just tell the bouncer you forgot your VIP pass at home.

Morse Music and Media Library, Second Floor. If you find yourself in Morse, you’re either a) on your way to the men’s bathroom, or b) a super-nerd. On one side, the floor’s multimedia stations (where you can snuggle up in a comfy $300 office chair) look aout on a stunning vista of the Government Documents and Microforms room and Lamont’s front garden. On the other, a virtual death-row of cubicles tempts only the most concentrated studiers. Luckily, in case the below-sea level altitude induces a nose-bleed, bathroom sinks are nearby.

Fifth Floor Reading Room. If you’re not ready to hit up the dance club that is the third floor main reading room with all of its motion and commotion, check out the upper-level reading room, the “quiet zone.” When you’re ready to re-gain your sanity, however, abandon the mountain-folk of Lamont’s highest floor (and the lone, miniature pine-tree that adorns the middle of the room) to return to lower altitudes.

First Floor Group Study Area. Most of the 40-year-old Lammy randos that look like they could use a good shit-shave-shower combo don’t venture down here. If you’re on the 1st floor, you’re also more likely to escape the wrath of Lamont’s late-night disciplinarian tag-team who’ll get you for consuming anything but knowledge outside of Lamont cafe. Sayonara, bitches!