300

Zack Snyder’s adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel “300” had thousands, including myself, chomping at the bit for the film’s release. As a fan of Miller’s “Sin City,” I entered the theater with lofty expectations for high-caliber action and visceral visuals. It is my sad duty to report that what could have been an achievement of epic proportions winds up as a Greek tragedy.

Loosely based on the historical battle of Thermopylae, “300” starts with an intriguing premise: A paltry band of Spartan soldiers take on the biggest army the world has ever known, led by the Persian tyrant Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro). Faced with an enemy determined to conquer the ancient world, the Spartans must prove that they really are history’s greatest warriors.

With that premise, how could “300” disappoint?

Well, to begin with, it’s a painfully overdone film. Dialogue often consists of no more than characters losing limbs and yelling “MY ARM!” The script suffers from unnecessary sex scenes, giving the impression that the directors deliberately added certain content to appeal to the unwashed masses.

B-movie composer Tyler Bates scores a forgettable soundtrack, trying to balance “Lord of the Rings”-esque orchestral fare and low-budget modern rock; he fails on both fronts. The soundtrack lends little to the emotion and action of the film.

This brings up another core problem: “300” lifts a lot from Peter Jackson’s trilogy—and is about as historically accurate. Understandably, any film following the “Lord of the Rings” might look to it for inspiration, due to its immense commercial success. But I never expected to run into Gollum again. Or the cave troll. Or any Orcs. However, I was greeted by all (or shameless approximations of) these creatures. Heck, even a stand-in for the mountain troll from “Harry Potter” made an appearance. I’m no historian, but a movie based on the Battle of Thermopylae probably shouldn’t have any monsters.

Despite all of these grievances, and the others that I don’t have the room to list, the film features some breathtaking visual moments and slick new camera tricks. By speeding up and slowing down certain parts, the director toys with traditional warfare cinematography. The choreography runs the gamut from standard epic-movie fare, to edge-of-your-seat brilliance, to an unintelligible blood orgy. Shot entirely on green-screen, the sets and scenery adds artistic detail unparalleled in today’s action films. Special effects elicited gasps from the audience a number of times, despite some unrealistic-looking decapitations.

A few good actors buttress the action, to a point. In particular, Gerard Butler’s believable performance as Leonidas, King of the Spartans, rallies not only his troops but also the viewers.

His second in command works the audience in a different way. Vincent Regan, the Captain, delivers the worst performance I’ve seen in a major motion picture this year. Largely due to the laughable overacting, Regan’s character serves only as unintentional comic relief. The film also suffers from a lame and sedate narrator whose lack of urgency harms the film’s momentum.

Overall, weak acting, horrible dialogue, and utter absurdity ruin what could have, and should have, been one of the year’s best. The action alone isn’t enough to carry the film. My expectations were high: millions of advertising dollars raised interest, the teasers generated a ton of hype, and the film boasted an expertly crafter trailer.

My suggestion? Skip the movie and watch the trailer.